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The controls are apparently broken - I am constantly moving up and cannot turn right or head down. The up and right arrow keys do nothing, and pressing down merely turns me left. This game is impossible to actually PLAY until this is fixed.

Sorry to hear that you've been experiencing problems with the controls!

I haven't encountered the issue you described in my play-testing, nor have I been able to intentionally recreate it for debugging purposes. However, I did find a similar error I previously missed in which B0rk's scripted movements in some of the cutscenes could be altered if the arrow keys were pressed at the same time. This sometimes resulted in the player getting stuck in impassable areas with their movement restricted. It's possible that this error was what caused the issue you experienced.

An new version of the game has been uploaded that fixes this problem. If you or any other players continue to experience issues with the controls, please let me know!