Needs better translation imo, story has potential but suffers from convoluted presentation. EDIT: I would also recommend adding some BGM to go along with the scenes. A specific point of improvement is when you arrive at the warehouse, and you met Eva? For a single frame, it looks like you've been ambushed - imo you could stretch that moment longer, having MC's thoughts start to read into the situation like that, before your companion greets her and explains to you she's actually an ally.