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(1 edit) (+1)

Ok so it took me a while to get around to this one. I liked Viatica, but there were places where it felt like the writing was a bit off. The pacing felt off, the dialogue was a bit stunted (beyond just the amount you'd expect given the setting), and overall it just left an impression on me that it needed refinement. Good story, and the writing wasn't bad, but it could use some work.

I got none of that from this story. The characters are very well written, the dialogue flows naturally, and so far the pacing is excellent. It seems very clear that the author has had a ton of improvement in their writing, and I'm very excited for more of this.

I'd say the only thing I have to critique at the moment is the actual itch page. A gigantic lore dump right off the bat is exhausting to read. That lore is cool, and deserves to have its own place, but maybe there could be a short story introduction before the lore dump begins? Something to hook me and justify why I should care about any of the lore.

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Thank you for giving my story a try. 🙂 The wall of text is extensive, I agree. This is a slimmed down version of what I originally wrote, if you can believe that. Now that I have a codex 🥳 I’ll see about moving some of this info over there.

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I am a big lore nerd for stuff like this and I will absolutely devour the codex (and whatever you add to it) when I have the time >:3