jesus, yeah. this brings back a LOT of memories. that february is still so fucking clear in my mind. i was working ED registration for a small hospital in the bronx when it hit (MWS), and god, its all so real. those trucks haunt me, even now, parked on the opposite side from the ED entrance but looming in the mind. it didn't matter that our ED had less than twenty beds, the truck was there, waiting and hungry. i still remember my first patient with it with goddamn crystal clarity. i still remember seeing an ambulance bring a middle aged woman in in the evening, and when i got in to scan the ambulance report in the morning, she was already dead. there was this horrible sense of futility and uselessness, especially for nonclinical staff like me. and then i stayed for five more years, which was not my smartest move.
i feel like you really caught the energy of it, the feeling of it. it was hell, and it was hell for everybody. everyone i know across departments had their own bespoke miniature circle of hell they were barely trudging through. that feeling of 'fuck, i haven't even seen the worst of it, i could have been here' is something i struggle with too, tbh. even i still feel like a faker when i talk about it, but i think that comes with the territory. three cheers for getting the fuck out of the old department and moving to greener pastures.