I am not a furry nor do i usually play VN's but to tell the truth i thoroughly enjoyed the current demoed story line. some of the grammar and spelling made me laugh but i could not scoff at the raw emotion that the music and setting conveyed. the characters were genuine and understandable.
*spoilers from here on*
the dream sequence was very good. while cliche, the dream sequence definitely puts the player in her shoes when it comes to her worries and fears. the foreshadowing of her true enemy is incredibly strong though. most people would be able to devise a great deal of the plot from the dream sequence alone, and that can dampen some player's enjoyment of your story. well as far as the demo goes that is. Not sure how many twists and turns lie beyond. Once the dream sequence started, I knew exactly what was going on and i knew how that sequence would end as well. while i still fully enjoyed the sequence, i do wish it was a bit more subtle. overall 8/10. which is really good.
also if you need someone to review grammar and spelling in your narration I would be more than happy to help you.