Critics I wish to give after viewing every routes of the game:
First, I'd like to start by acknowledging the impressive feat of creating this game within just seven days. The effort and creativity that went into one project are insane. However, I believe there are potential that could benefit from more time and refinement to make the game standout in visual novel genre. First of all, "overuse of transitions". One of the most noticable issues is the reliance on transitions like "1 hour later" to show progress in the story. This approach feels like a missed oppotunity to explore the player's connection with Entity. For instance, during the scene where the MC talks bout himself, instead of jumping ahead, I feel the game could offer interactive dialouge options. Allowing player to choose responses or explore aspects of the MC's background would make the story more engaging, player also get to see responses of the Entity, which is killing two birds in one stone. In which, this problem brings me to my second point. Secondly, "lack of backstory". The story would greatly benefit from a more detailed exploration of the MC's personality and background. While the enigmatic background of Mrs. works well for the plot, the MC's lack of depth leaves certain dialouge feeling out of place. For example, when the MC makes comment like "I really love dommy mommy Lovecraftian eldritch horror wife," it can feel abrupt and unaligned with what little we know about their character. Sure, some players may find the randomness of these dialogues funny, but for me, it detracts from the flow. Adding more moments like a calm before the storm to explore the MC's interest, motivations, or quirks, such as maybe his fascination with eldritch lore or matured ladies could help these lines land more naturally. A good reference here might be, "Sucker for Love", the visual novel game where the MC's established obssesion with Cthulhu-like entities makes their dialogue feel consistent and lively. Now, on topic of dialogues.
Third, dialogue flow and consistency. The dialogue at times feels unnatural, as though it exists just to fill space. One example is the use of "Ara Ara" by Mrs. While it's intended to emphasize her dominance, it raises questions about context. Is the Entity familiar with Japanese media and using the phrase to tease the MC, or does it simply serve as a placeholder or something else? Since there's little explanation or buildup, these moments feel somewhat jarring, made it that some of dialogues existed just because. Replacing these phrases with alternatives like “My, my” or “Oh, my”, which has the same meaning when translated, could help the story flow better and align with Mrs' mysterious still. Final thoughts for this: Despite these criticisms, I'm genuinely excited about the potential of this game. The concept is intriguing! With further refinement and more time, it could become a visual novel that stands out! I hope the developer takes this feedback constructively, as my intention is to see the project climb up into something special!
(And honestly, I'd LOVE to contribute/work on its development myself as well, if you don't mind a writer/ or proofreader!)
Keep up great work, I'll wait for future updates!
ปล. คนไทยคับ ชอบเกมนี้มาก 😭🙏