A warning to all dads: do not make the mistakes I made. It started out simple enough. "I'm cold" "Hi, Cold, I'm Dad." But it wasn't enough. I had to take things more literally. Comically misinterpret yet more requests. Before I knew it, I had uprooted trees, brought down aircraft, and wrenched the stars themselves from the heavens. I know not what price I will yet pay for this. All I know is it will never be enough