Meaningfull moodboard, effective expressions (- even too much, for me as not native in English it was a little bit harder to read).
"We both looked at the corpse again. Alabain was still surprised to be staring at the ceiling. I needed to rub my own." - own what?
"The canopy shadowing the military camp in darkness." - WAS shadowing.
"Captain Ferrin stepped out of the tent, dropped his cigar and stamped under his boot. " - by his boots? (WTH?)
"pen pusher" - I think it is not the propper term - it is "papers pusher", because especially ink pen is not to be majorly pushed, but rather pulled if you can catch my drift.
"Looking to Ferrin, something reached between us. We nodded in unison." - "something joined us" or so would be better, right?
Excuse me, but although I read teh finish thrice, I am not sure what exactly happend in that time. I am not about to making an another quote, I am afraid that even just the above were too close to spoilers.
Concept+Originality 4 / 5 (I was chasing the concept meaning, but it was too fast), Flow+Clarity 3/5 (not easy to read), Theme 5/5 (It surely was not the plan plus I did not see that coming - and I am even not sure what exactly came).
Because of too much work, I was not able to submit in time, but feel free to read, rate (out of the jam) and comment my first attempt of the task fromsuch a jam: Mysteries are not dead! by Ormrin Sinkalte Ged - Sparrowhawk (itch.io).