Okay buckle up it's time for me to talk about my recent endeavor. Musical Theatre.
I always acted like a theater kid anyway, might as well become one right haha... that's a lie, I'm not actually participating in any theatre productions, just watching them........ ANYWAY story time
It all started when I was but a wee lad, still but a child in this great big wide world too complicated for me to understand, oblivious to the wonders I was just about to discover, by that I, of course, mean it was like two days ago.
So I was sitting on the couch that I sleep on because I'm a fucking loser (it's comfortable and right in front of the TV, okay, get off my case, mom) and I was listening to some music on the music/podcast streaming service I pay for with my own hard earned money when it decided to play me a song I've never heard before. A recommendation.
This song... was Sincerely, Me from Dear Evan Hansen.
I was so naive back then... I heard the song, I hard it with my ear holes and I thought... "hey... this sounds pretty good. Pretty funny. I guess I could like... maybe watch the musical or something..." oh how wrong I was. How stupid I was. If only I had known.
This is a message to anyone out there at all ever who's even THINKING of watching Dear Evan Hansen... don't. This musical will ruin your life and you will never recover.
It ate my children! Dear Evan Hansen, it entered my house, swept my legs out from under me, punched my wife, then ate my fuckibg children and just left! Like some kind of monster! Why did you do this, Dear Evan Hansen! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Now I can't even listen to any of the songs without thinking... without thinking about little Timmy's face... before he was eaten. Oh, Timmy... I failed you. How can I ever forgive myself.
Anyway after that traumatic experience I decided "hey, why not watch some more musicals. I've already seen Hamilton, and now I've seen... the monster who shall not be named, so why not keep it going!"
The very next thing I watched was Ride the Cyclone. And oh boy... after what Dear Evan Hansen did... Ride the Cyclone practically cradled me like a baby and gave me a forehead kiss goodnight with a bedtime story to boot.
This musical was so incredibly fucking good I will actually EXPLODE.
What I would give to see it live. I'd give anything. My heart. My soul. My kidney or... maybe my liver or something. I would give anything. I would give YOU!
I would give... I would give my first born CHILD to see Ride the Cyclone live. I'd kill anyone and anything in my way if it meant I could see it just once... just one time. My one true love. Ride the Cyclone.
And so it started.
So basically for the past few days I've literally just been watching musicals. Wicked, which I really thought would have some higher quality bootlegs but apparently not, Be More Chill which was hilarious and relatable... minus the brain chip part yk not exactly a normal Sunday, Six, Heathers, and whatnot, you get it. I watched musicals and musicals and musicals.
My entire life the past two days... just musicals. That's all it's been... musicals. It's all I can think of.
So now all that's left... is to watch every musical ever. All of them. I shall become the ultimate God of Musical Theatre, I will become all powerful, so powerful that I will write the PERFECT musical with all my musical theatre knowledge, and then when everyone's seen the best musical in the world, the best musical that has ever existed and will ever exist in the universe, the musical with no flaws whatsoever, all those other musicals just won't cut it anymore, and everyone will turn to me, they'll beg me, BEG to make a new musical BEG for another perfect masterpiece that only I the Musical Theatre GOD can give them, and when I see all their stupid little faces begging and crying for something to enjoy... I'll tell them no. I'll watch as all their tiny little dweeb hopes and dreams and aspirations get brutally crushed under my foot like a hydraulic press and they'll all wallow in their shame and pity and just when they're all so depressed and sad I'll relent. I'll put on a show of feeling bad for them, I'll convince them that their groveling and pathetic displays of the mortal emotion these morons call sadness has touched my pitch black heart and I simply couldn't bear to see them grovel any longer. So I made them a new musical. Another perfect one. They'll all cheer for me and adore me. But what now. They can't just watch these two musicals forever can they? No, no, they can't. They'll need new musicals. They always will. I'll show them a pattern. I'll make them depend on ME for survival and ONLY ME. I'll convince them I care and they'll worship me, they'll worship me like GOD when in reality I AM THE DEVIL! I AM SATAN HIMSELF MADE FLESH AND BONE AND I WILL NEVER DIE! THE REAL GOD IS DEAD FOR I KILLED HIM MYSELF THERE IS ONLY ME WHO RULES OVER THIS DOOMED LITTLE ROCK YOU HOPELESS BEINGS CALL THE PLANET EARTH, ONLY ME FOREVER! I AM YOUR NEW GOD! BOW TO ME!
Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so anyway, I really like musicals now.