An experience you will not forget, an unimaginable amount of "condolences" you receive yet nothing numbs the pain, pushed down under is not the way to go, hiding in silence is not the way you'd spend the grief, in your heart does he reside, always apart of your mind, you take a moment of silence to appreciate his music taste ,his jovial grin, a little silly you may think, but you've never thought this day would come, to be sitting front row to his own funeral, listening to that horrible music, yet learning to appreciate it, you've forgotten how to feel warmth, stepping out of the church and a flash to his body, mangled and cold, you've wondered how such a warm person can be submerged in ice and pieces oof themself in one night. You cant forget. Grief is a hearty thing, Never light, stages are long may be short can be for weeks or years apart, memories flood as his pace smiles back at you at the memorial, but you know he's not there. His name carved into rough stone, just as his body feets away from the warm fiery explosion. One, Two you don't know what to do, confused mind's loose, do you cry, smile, laugh the pain away, hide it underneath a cold face, buried beneath is the yearning for just another day, another day to see that grin, that silly behaviour you once hated but now its ironic, you need it. Is this what missing someone forever feels like? Will you break down when reminded of him, or will you speak of him with pride?
I don't know what you're feeling, thinking or what runs through your mind but i can say ive felt so similar, i can only say what ive heard and said many times to ones that lost another forever, My Condolences. -RH
c ya laterrrr, or maybe when i rest, eternally.