Hey there!
I just went through your game concept, and it's really intriguing!
You've got a solid foundation, but here are a few suggestions to tighten things up and keep the focus:
- Start Strong: Kick things off with a brief overview of your game's concept and why it excites you. This will hook players right away.
- Simplify the Plot Description: Your plot is super detailed, which is awesome, but it can be a bit overwhelming.
Hope this helps.
Keep up the good work ;)