I'll admit that I almost gave up on this story at first with its hammy fourth wall breaks, the drab interface and the overall non-visuals - boldly eschewing the 'V' of a 'VN' - were it not for the presence of Lady Deirdre Gallows of House Gallows. The morbidly witty exchanges between Deirdre and the protag piqued my curiosity, and by the time of the Harvest Festival I was rapt.
lopiqol paints a scene that is both familiar and alien to the reader with sublime subtle touches of esoterica. A fascinating and intimate insight into the world of a strange nobility that held my attention throughout, culminating in the first of four endings.
A small gripe I have in the writing is with regards to the narrator - the narration switches from passive description to actively engaging not only the protagonist and the "reader" in its fourth wall call-outs, but also addressing the "player" in stating game jam constraints. There is an attempt to smooth these into one voice but the medley proved distracting and causing me to stumble more than once. The stark interface, doing little to distinguish these different voices, does not help in this regard.
Were the interface brightened and the narration given a touch more clarity then I would be delighted to hunt for the remaining three endings and see through the debut of Lady Deirdre!
oh, i nearly missed this feedback also! thank you so much for taking the time to type all this out - and the details of your experience too, wow. i will surely go over this multiple times as i continue working.
although the presence of the player is known to the voice and he does enjoy poking you here and there while narrating in the informal release, im sure he will behave and keep his fingers to the nameless servant in the final iteration.
And thank you for writing such a captivating story. It was quite a dark horse of an entry! (apologies if I laid it on a bit thick with the critique, it reads a bit more blunt than I had intended)
Comments
I'll admit that I almost gave up on this story at first with its hammy fourth wall breaks, the drab interface and the overall non-visuals - boldly eschewing the 'V' of a 'VN' - were it not for the presence of Lady Deirdre Gallows of House Gallows. The morbidly witty exchanges between Deirdre and the protag piqued my curiosity, and by the time of the Harvest Festival I was rapt.
lopiqol paints a scene that is both familiar and alien to the reader with sublime subtle touches of esoterica. A fascinating and intimate insight into the world of a strange nobility that held my attention throughout, culminating in the first of four endings.
A small gripe I have in the writing is with regards to the narrator - the narration switches from passive description to actively engaging not only the protagonist and the "reader" in its fourth wall call-outs, but also addressing the "player" in stating game jam constraints. There is an attempt to smooth these into one voice but the medley proved distracting and causing me to stumble more than once. The stark interface, doing little to distinguish these different voices, does not help in this regard.
Were the interface brightened and the narration given a touch more clarity then I would be delighted to hunt for the remaining three endings and see through the debut of Lady Deirdre!
oh, i nearly missed this feedback also! thank you so much for taking the time to type all this out - and the details of your experience too, wow. i will surely go over this multiple times as i continue working.
although the presence of the player is known to the voice and he does enjoy poking you here and there while narrating in the informal release, im sure he will behave and keep his fingers to the nameless servant in the final iteration.
thank you again for your time and kind attention.
And thank you for writing such a captivating story. It was quite a dark horse of an entry! (apologies if I laid it on a bit thick with the critique, it reads a bit more blunt than I had intended)
not at all, i am very grateful! in fact your critique has helped me come up with a first draft for a description of the VN :)