Allies make life bearable. For decades I’ve struggled with revealing myself, not knowing who to trust, not knowing if there was anyone in my circles of contacts who I could confide in.  I’d started to lose who I was, there was just a façade I had built up and a masquerade that I was hiding behind. My whole life was built up from a fake mask that comprised the elements I figured were socially acceptable, and I came to identify with the masquerade because anything hidden behind it was unseen by the outside world and had started to fade away. I was starting to feel like there was no real me, because everything was the shell. I felt hollow, and there wasn’t anyone I could comfortably let through the barriers. I didn’t know what they’d think when they saw the real me, or even if there was a real me to see any more.

I had no friends, no allies, no confidantes, no one to share my innermost secrets, and that had become a burden that risked causing me to collapse in on myself. I’ve done that before. I’ve ended up spending weeks in psychiatric wardsm and even there I didn’t think I could comfortably reveal the truth about my hollow identity.

My life was the character I had built, and was presenting to the outside world. I’m still not comfortable with many folks, There’s two or three people I’ve allowed through the barrier, and they’ve been supportive. I’m trying to explore a few ideas through my design ideas released through “Stone Cold Fox Games”, ideas where I’m exploring identity, truth, morality, and sense of self. I’m not trying to make these concepts the core of a game, but certainly a contributing element to make people think.

I’m hoping I find more allies out there, more people I can trust, but I haven’t had much luck, so I won’t be holding my breath.