About time for another update, I guess. So, I'm happy to announce... things are coming along!

And of course it's a mess!

At the same time, and in a way I never expected.

The good news: assets are progressing faster than anticipated. Moved to the male characters of my cast, asset for a couple of them are ready!

... And there's a third coming along very nicely. So yeah - by pure chance, likely - I'm actually on schedule O_o

The not-so-good-but-it's-actually-good news: I've been working on the way this visual novel handles memory and consequences.

This story has the ambition to be a love letter to Philip K. Dick: time loops, recursivity, the main character remembering things that others don't, and your friends remembering what you did in the previous loop.

So that each playthrough is not a reset. It's just another layer. Your choices accumulate. And are supposed to leave consequences. At times, scars.

Which is nice, and ambitious, and grand. But:

Problem 1: Cryptic is a thing, incomprehensible is another. Sure, the story is non-linear. Yes, characters have connections that transcend the current scene that's playing out. But, throwing everything at readers and expecting them to connect dots by themselves - that's just frustrating. For them, of course.

Problem 2: So, characters remember previous loops. Great.  And of course this means, having traumatic events happen and then pretending they never occurred is dishonest. It's lying to them, to the reader, and to myself.

I've been... focusing on both these issues. Now I feel it's starting to look like something PKD would actually read without wanting to pluck his eyeballs out. The journey however has been rough, it's getting rougher - and of course I'm in full "flow state" about it. There definitely is a sadistic streak in me - the harder it gets, the more I feel on high.

So, the Mess I'm in Love With: I realized I was neither respecting my readers, nor my characters.

Let's take an example: Mika's birthday party on day #22 (I've completely changed my approach to the script, which now is organized in neatly sorted folders on a "per day, per story arc, per playthrough" logic - better acting now while it's still manageable - granted a 350k words script can still be called so!). This is the scene that triggers the second story arc - a perfect example of what's not working with my story so far: birthday party ends, friendly chatter, you board a train... and later discover you made the wrong choice. You die.

Originally, this  was meant to be eventually revealed as a dream - the MC's guilt manifesting as false memories. It actually was *him* abusing her, and his subconscious rewriting the story.

Now, how is the reader supposed to understand? How is he supposed to find out and have a genuinely PKD's style "AH-HA!" moment instead of labelling all this as "cheap" and "anti-climactic"?

Which brings me to the second problem: I'm writing a story about recursive time, where characters retain memories, and then have someone act completely normal the day after trauma. That's not just unrealistic - it's wrong.

The Solution (And Why Everything Got So Exquisitely Complicated)

I went back to my notes. Picture uneven piles of paper covered in jarred handwriting, littering a desk, late at night - that's basically me and my hobby of writing this visual novel. I took my notes. I took the scene. And I had them have a nice talk together.

When I got back, I found it already was better - only, I happened to think: I am still being dishonest. Some things don't heal in days. Others don't even "heal" at all - they just sit in the backseat of your mind forever.

So I went further down the rabbit hole, and added a two-week interlude. The violence scene happens, the main character wakes up and - boom, he is two weeks into his past - and the things he remembers start to happen, almost identical at first, and then progressively diverge. Is it because it was just an unsettling dream or is he actually affecting the way the story unfolds?

Which also happens to be *exactly* the kind of thing my story is all about, incidentally.

At the same time - Mika's got time to breathe as a character: she's scared of him - as she should be. Her mind says "oh look, it's my childhood friend who I'm secretly in love with!" And the body just screams, "danger, danger!"

In the meantime, the script grows. And grows. It's hungry. It tells me, "just once?"

Because here's the thing - the next playthrough has to be different too. Mika will have processed the trauma - just a bit. Most of it will still be there, looming above her. The body will still want to run, but it'll be more... manageable. Covered by an entire playthrough of affection and care - that is, if the reader picks the right options. Otherwise she will just be her, without trauma  - and without any other feeling for the main character. Yeah, same story arc, same objectives, TOTALLY DIFFERENT FEEL.
And of course the third iteration will have to be different, better - but still not quite so.

Likely "never quite so", and I just hope that by the fourth iteration I'll have put together enough material to enforce the third story arc - which is going to be fully kinetic - so a diametrical opposite to Mika's arc. Pris' arc will have ONE beginning and ONE end. That's just a teaser so don't fret over it - not yet.

Anyways, I digress. The point is, each playthrough builds on the previous ones. Each iteration adds another layer. A choice made two loops ago explodes in the current one. This however requires me to look at the story in a different way: add things. Add references. Create connections - things the reader can see, feel, and know - so that they get into the story, and when I throw a twist at them it won't feel jarring but "ah-ha!"

... Hopefully.

 To make this, I'm adding... things. References, connections - I'm striving to add clarity, while still leaving doubt creeping along the reader's spine. It's a bit of an alchemy - done blind-folded, with one hand tied behind my back and with somebody constantly shuffling the ingredients.

A real writer would probably get it right.

Me? I hope.

PS. I should really start making regular updates - Shorter, less "stream-of-consciousness", just a couple of very tight and focused points, and nothing more. Then again, that would be so "not-me", and I'm already messing enough with things that are not themselves in my story, so I don't really need that to happen in real life.