This post is not so much a question, it's me trying to understand the root of my own anxiety behind taking the next big step in my own journey through learning Game Development.  If my own experiences and views on this can help someone else, then I'll feel a little less guilty about the length of it.  If you have anything to add, your own experiences, or feedback you think might be helpful to myself or others, feel free to leave a comment.

I have been learning how to make games in my own time now for a little over a year and, other than making a few small game jam games, I have not really published anything.  I have been working on a lot of different small projects in the background to help me learn different aspects of game design, but I always come back to the question of "Is it really good enough?" in some shape or form.

That nagging question feels, to me at least, to be a constant limiter on making "real", definable progress.  For example, I recently started working on an application rather than a game, a tool that I wanted and felt could help me streamline my workflow a bit.  I want to be able to get to the point of turning it into an actual app that I would upload to the Android store for other people to be able to download and use.

However, that nagging question came back, along with the anxiety of trying to make a real attempt for getting my projects out there.  Thinking about creating a developer account on Google play, and spending my own money to essentially "Put my money where my mouth is" almost makes me feel sick, it makes it real, and it makes the risk real.

At the moment, all I have invested is time.  All the software I use is open source, and I try to make as many of my own assets as possible to avoid any licencing or copyright issues.  I play it safe, and I think that publishing my projects on Itch is also "safe" because, again, I am only spending my own time, nothing I have made so far has really costed anyone anything other than a little time.

To go back to app, most of the features I needed in it are already there.  A few more hours of work on it and it would be in a state that it should be reasonable to package it and get it uploaded as an actual app.  I even have an online version uploaded here, and a few other people have had a look at it, some have even added it to collections, but I still have that nagging question in the back of my mind.  Almost as though, even though it has all the features I wanted it to have, even though the design works, I still find myself feeling like it isn't good enough.

So when will I feel like it's "Good Enough"?

The answer, I probably never will feel that it's good enough.

I think this could partly be my inexperience with the processes of uploading to stores like Steam or the Google Play store, and partly down to my own anxiety in putting it out there.  Don't misunderstand me though, I know that Itch is a proper market place, and that I could post my projects for fixed prices with the hope that someone will buy it and play it.  But Itch is also a hub for independent developers of any ability or experience when it comes to game development, and I think this is part of my problem here, because I have anxiety over making that next big step, because I care about the projects I'm making and I worry about their quality, I consistently feel like my work isn't good enough.

Now earlier on, I actually ran a Google search for "Game development, when is it good enough?", and there were not many results to that search.  So then I thought about all the various Game Development YouTube tutorials and analysis videos I have watched over the course of the last year, and I think the online Game Development influencers and streamers skim the edge of this problem under various names but never really get to the root of the issue.

Some refer to it as "Tutorial Hell" or "Imposter Syndrome", others refer to more vague habit of constantly comparing your own work with AAA games or "supposedly" indie titles where the games were made by a team of up to 50 people working for a proper business with publishers and full marketing teams.

For myself, I feel that this problem is rooted in the social expectation that for a game to be "good", you need to see everyone playing it, you need to see it have a massive bottom line and, if you want people to pay for it, that it should be as good as any modern AAA title.

Now I'm not going to be able to live up to that image.  I already know this because I am 1 person, doing this like a hobby when I have the time.  I haven't quit my day job to do this, I'm not relying on thousands of pounds, dollars or euros in savings to do this.  I get maybe 8 hours a month where I can really work on things, or if the stars align and there is an appealing Game Jam on when I have a week off work, I'll use that week to work on a game jam game.

So when you take that perception away, and focus on the realistic outcome, it becomes about risk.

The risk, for myself, is that my projects might not get seen, might not get played.  Or that, if I post it for money, people might not think it was worth their money or their time in playing my games.  I don't expect everyone to play my games, or even enjoy them, but I hope that I will eventually be able to make a game that some people will enjoy, and that, eventually I will be able to make a game someone would be happy to pay for.  At the moment I am very conscious of the fact that I'm still learning, and that to make the games I want to make, I am still figuring out the best ways of implementing the mechanics I want to include.  But there will need to be a cut off point for this personal perception.  A point where I will have to start thinking that I am reasonably experienced, and that it's about time I start pushing through my anxiety.  I don't think that point is today, but it almost feels like a target to aim for, an intangible target, but a target.

Do I want to take that risk?  Do I want to take it now, or later?  If it's going to be later, then when?

For myself at the moment, I'm still learning and probably will be for the rest of the time I plan on making games.  However, I also have a couple of projects I am trying to take further, hoping to improve and expand on.  One of these is due a Web Play version update in the next day or 2, the app will be worked on after that update, and then it will be back to the game.  The game getting the update is the first project I have really tried to take further, and I have a plan and a roadmap of sorts, giving myself some targets.

So I have every intention of taking that risk, but an intention is one thing, doing it is another and if I'm still only making game jam games and only talking about taking these steps in a years time, someone remind me about this post so I can kick myself.

What do you think you'll do?  Will you take that risk and make it real?