What I did (2/20-3/6)

• Made a powerpoint about opening an art shop
• Oji Jam started!!
• Tried figuring out HTSD
• Finished commissions 
• Did a ton of lore writing for Project Avis
• Started interview series with vtubers
• Revamped my Ko-Fi

General Thoughts:

I feel disconnected from the game community at the moment. Or... from all communities for that matter. I'm doing my best to try and not dwell on it, but it's really hard. I see so many people interacting with each other, hyping each other up and it feels like I'm stuck in a glass box. I'm able to look but I'm never able to participate.

A big part of being a vtuber or in the game industry is that you need rapport, you need that community. You can't do everything alone. You can try, but it will just feel lonely. That's what I found out. I felt lonely. 

For vtubing, I decided to just host interviews with different vtubers who have something in common. Maybe then, I can find people where we mutually like each other. I'll have more people to talk to and stream with. That would be so fun!! I decided to focus on vtubers who are in the creative industry. Voice actors, singers, artists…I feel like I'd have a better time talking to them since I'm also in the creative industry. But we'll see!! Hopefully my social anxiety doesn't get the best of me and the streams go well.

In terms of feeling disconnected in the game community…I don't know how to fix that. I see people talk about their game ideas so openly. So freely. They don't have to worry about whether people will like it or not, because people always will. I see people like an idea and then join the team. Everyone's teaming up, everyone is talking about how much fun everything is and I'm just…there. I think it stems from never being able to talk about my passions growing up. I always got too excited and carried away. People would just tune me out. I'm afraid of that happening. I'm afraid people will listen to my ideas and just go "oh. ok."

It's not like everyone needs to go "Oh my god, Syd! This is genius!". That would be stupid. But I would like someone who actually tries to have a conversation about my ideas that would be nice. 

Ahh!! As I'm writing this, it just feels like a ton of self pity and "oh poor me". Maybe some jealousy of others. Hopefully in the next two weeks, I can get rid of this funk.

Goals (3/13-3/27):

• Revamp HTSD
• More Project Avis stuff!!
• Interview more people!
• Try and get out of my head
• Prep for otojam even more