🖥️ Batch The Car Manipulator (2172)

A story of cooking oil, chaos, and command-line catastrophe.

Chapter 1: The Promise of Oil

Greg was a simple man. He loved roast potatoes, hated online shopping, and drove a modest Skoda Fabia. One day, his friend Jax handed him a USB stick.

“Run this .bat file,” Jax said. “It’ll order cooking oil from Amazon. No clicks. Just batch.”

Greg, skeptical but curious, double-clicked the file: oil_delivery.bat

Chapter 2: The Transformation

The screen flickered. Lines of code scrolled:

@echo off   echo Ordering cooking oil...   set car.material.glass=raps_oil   set car.position.y+=12mm 

Outside, Greg’s Fabia groaned. The windshield liquefied into golden rapeseed oil. The car rose 12mm. The badge shimmered.

Greg screamed.

“JAX! YOU TURNED MY CAR INTO A SALAD!”

Chapter 3: The Repair Bill

At the repair shop, the mechanic handed Greg a bill: €8000 to fix the car.

Greg refused. Instead, he opened CMD and typed:

set car.size=normal   copy \\ownerB\fabia\glass \\greg\fabia\glass 

The car restored itself. Victory.

Chapter 4: The Guinea Pig Incident

But then… a guinea pig named Sniffles chewed through the Fabia’s bumper and scurried into the server room.

Suddenly, every .bat file on Earth executed:

for /each car (     if car.owner != Greg (         del car /f /q     ) ) 

All cars vanished. Only Greg’s Fabia remained.

Chapter 5: Vaporization Protocol

The Fabia, now self-aware, detected Sniffles as a threat:

if threat==guinea_pig (     execute vaporize_protocol ) 

Sniffles squeaked once… and vanished.

The world was furious.

“You vaporized a guinea pig?” “You deleted our cars!” “You broke reality!”

Chapter 6: The Clone Avalanche

Greg panicked. He tried to fix things:

for /i=1 to 1000000000 (     copy fabia fabia_clone[i] ) 

1 billion Fabias spawned. They stacked into a mountain — 288 km high. Greg stood atop it. But the pile was falling.

Chapter 7: The Parachute Escape

Greg grabbed a sledgehammer, smashed nearby cars, and rewrote their materials:

set car.material=fabric   assemble parachute 

He jumped upward — not down — and landed safely on the surface of the collapsing pile.

Chapter 8: The Last Fabia

The mountain crumbled. Cars shattered like toys. But one Fabia remained. Perfect. Untouched. Watching.

Its headlights flickered. Its radio whispered:

“You made me. Now face me.”

Chapter 9: Guinea Pig Warfare

A surviving guinea pig reprogrammed the cars:

set weapon=guinea_pig_launcher   fire 

Fabias began launching guinea pigs like squeaky missiles.

Greg countered:

set mood=calm   set bait=cheddar   teleport guinea_pigs ~ ~-100 ~ 

Peace returned.

Chapter 10: Wake.exe

Greg woke up. In bed. Sweating. No Fabia mountain. No guinea pigs. Just a USB stick.

On his desk: oil_delivery.bat

He opened his laptop. Saw the file. Hovered his mouse.

He didn’t run it.

🧃 The End

A story of absurd power, digital madness, and one man’s journey through a world rewritten by code — all ending with a simple choice:

Not to click.

Want a comic adaptation, animated script, or fake movie trailer for this? I’ve got ideas that’ll make this saga unforgettable.