This jam is now over. It ran from 2019-06-07 19:00:00 to 2019-07-13 00:00:00. View results
The goal of Glinny's Cauldron Jam is to make the most annoying game that is still fun enough to keep people playing. After all, if your player quits, you can't submit them to your vile tricks any longer. Every game submitted will have to pull from one of two pools of ingredients: Glinny's Recipe or Cahrsurraurher's Recipe. (If you've stumbled onto this page and have no idea what's happening, this is all referencing the results of a long-running segment of The Easy Allies Podcast) Of the 17 ingredients included in each recipe, entrants must select at least 6 to be incorporated into their game.
- You have a 1% chance to not be able to double jump
- Spells that inflict status effects virtually never work on bosses.
- The first waterfall you discover has a secret cave, but the following 23 do not.
- Instant death from touching the SIDE of a spike. Not the dangerous points, but the side of the spikes.
- Every loading screen is a bright blank white screen.
- Customizable hairstyle but every selection clips through your weapon and armor.
- The final boss of the game is a character first introduced directly prior to the final boss fight.
- The game's soundtrack was written by Nobuo Uematsu, but performed by 4th graders with recorders.
- L3 is entering stealth mode, while R3 is a loud special super attack, but if the character faces the camera, the order is reversed.
- There’s a cutscene where all the characters in your party hear news of a death of an NPC that was mentioned once before in the story. They all act incredibly devastated even though this character was insignificant.
- The game has a hunger meter, every time your character is hungry a loud stomach grumbling sound effect will play. This sound effect can drown out important pieces of dialogue or other important sounds.
- No buildings can be entered. Anytime you attempt to enter one your character says "It's not the right time for that"
- The Lore of the world is that the main character can fast travel, but your companions can not. When you fast travel all your companions have to traverse the world manually, and their pathing mechanics only work so well. About 95% of the time they can path back to you if you sleep at an inn for the night if you fast travel from a road but only 50-50 if you travel from a dungeon. All other times they get stuck somewhere.
- Every town has a mandatory Bad Anime Hot Spring scene.
SLOGAN: Get ready to explode your balls into a firestorm of dust and skeletons.
CELEBRITY LIKENESS: Justin Bieber as "Squeelin" Shay Higgins
- Deep bass “ooohhh nooooo!” every time you die
- The 'Interact' button to talk to an NPC is the same button as 'Use Consumable Item', which is a precious resource.
- The character sprites in the overworld don’t look like the character portraits in the menus
- Not having a way to tell you how much time you've played.
- After you get the main villain's HP close to zero, a cutscene plays out in which the villain overpowers your character and takes them captive.
- The game is fully voice acted, but only by one guy
- A real-time, 24-hour day/night cycle, and all shops/merchants are only open for business from 9am - 5pm
- Before the menu, a trailer-like video is played which shows one of your party members betraying you.
- The game launches with a cool jetpack mechanic but doesn't feature anything cool to do with it.
- There is a minor NPC early on in the game that shares the exact character model as the player. This is never explained or acknowledged by anyone in the game.
- Redeeming codes found under the cap of participating Mountain Dew beverages unlocks powerful armor covered in Mountain Dew branding. If you abstain from the promotion, your party will occasionally comment about how good a Mountain Dew would taste about now.
- Every time you move off-screen the enemies instantly respawn. Ninja Gaiden NES style. You have a extremely annoying small sidekick. Who will in particular randomly trip you over giggle and say don’t mind me. And despite having no likeable characteristics everyone in the game your character included loves this piece of trash. Suggested name Sleezer
- You can only input up to 4 lowercase letters for you and your party's names, but the default presets are all clearly over that limit while also being horrible names.
SLOGAN: "Hurt me Daddy"
CELEBRITY LIKENESS: Ian McKellen as The Randy Old Man
Games will be judged on just two criteria: Incorporation of Vile Ingredients and Fun Despite Itself. Anyone is welcome to be a judge. Voting ends one week after the submission deadline; if that has to be extended we'll definitely consider it. The winner of Glinny's Cauldron Jam will be played on a future Easy Allies group stream.
- Games should be shorter than 45 minutes long
- Many of the ingredients would be impossible or very impractical to implement, but simulating their effects is allowed and encouraged.
- Entrants should feel free to add their own vile ingredients
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