Hello—Sam here! I liked this piece quite a bit; transplanting Gatsby into modern-day collegiate New York is an interesting shift, and I think you preserved the mystery and allure of Gatsby-the-myth very well.
As for the pacing, the only issue that I noticed was some odd self-reflection; Nick talks about how he'd been at the party for quite a while and heard so much about Gatsby, yet to me, playing it, only a few minutes had passed. What I might potentially recommend as a possible solution is have more snippets of scenes (like with Jordan or the first drink or the weird library nerd), but shorten those snippets. Hitting the reader with a whole boatload of short, sharp moments will help the party and Gatsby-mythos have more space and time, but not actually much more in the way of word-count.
Other than that, I'd be sure to do another pass for sentence structure and clarity, and double-check your flowchart—I got caught in a loop where I ended up talking to Jordan twice. Still, your piece is working well, and I'd love to read more.
Haha, in all seriousness, that was a cool way to introduce the characters around. I was a little bit uncertain about picking at times because I wasn't sure that I'd get another chance to come back to the other options, and it seems like that might've been true for some of them. Other than that, I'm definitely more curious about Gatsy along with Nick as well since it starts in such a mysterious spot. Hoping to see more in the future!
The style of writing and pacing of choices works quite well here, I think -- it's reminiscent of the original work, but those similarities serve to highlight the new touches you've added (interactivity and the college-aged characters). I did have to wonder how there are frat houses and apartment buildings out on West Egg, which is mostly big mansions in suburban drives -- but I suppose a wealthy enough fraternity could have a mansion as well as a traditional frat house right next to campus? (Or you could change the setting to the upper west side, or similar.)
It's definitely not boring or rushed! If anything, it felt like a leisurely introduction to characters and setting, easy to read and at a gentle pace. So gentle that it made me worry about how much more there is to read/write, but I'm sure that comes partly from knowing that there's a ton more story in the original book, and I imagine that by next week you're not going to try to do ALL of that, but have an abridged version in mind? At least I hope you do!
- I definitely don't think it's rushed! I love the pacing of it (though im sad I couldnt just Leave The Party since that isnt finished yet because my introverted ass chose that as my first option lol) and the introduction is definitely clear and charming too.
- I do love the interaction you do have so far though! It helps to set the world and to show how out of place Nick is at the party and in general with his own tone of voice when speaking compared to the girl he talks to. Definitely looking forward to more possible interactions like that!
- I really don't have much I can criticize to be honest I genuinely love it so far and can't wait to see where it heads from here!
First off, I like the project right away I think. The pacing, the amount of interaction and other stuff feel great for me. I guess the reason could be I am getting a little bit the same vibe as watching the Gatsby movie. The description of the main room and the tone of the language are all really good at this stage.
I feel pretty immersed as the protagonist of the story, a stranger who attend a random party held by some mystery guy, and I am just trying to socialized and finding out who Gatsby is, kinda like what Tobey Maguire would do. Overall I am getting the vibe from both the movie and maybe some classic escape-room-games where I am trying to learn the surroundings throughout the entire game.
To be complete honest, maybe I cannot give any constructive suggestions because I like everything I have been seeing, and I am really looking forward to the ending.
It's a bit boring going through the party but I believe that's because we already know how this party is from the beginning thanks to pop culture's love for frats. I'd say add some sound here and remove anything that seems too redundant. I like the interactions we're having so far!
I don't believe the intro is rushed at all. If anything it sounds like there's a mystery afoot! It also feels like there might be a romantic route in here.
Oh and I must say, I don't know what format you're using to make it look like a book snippet but's it's working! Try making the font a bit bigger (12 or 14) if you can!
im in love with the girl that nick talks to that says "hella", maam? can i be in your dms please?
the writing is really nice and feels modern. i think i was threw off a bit by nicks really simple "hi, im nick" (i read it in tobey maguires voice) but then everything else really fell into place overtime.
you do the danganronpa thing (the first game) in where you can get more information by clicking on a word within the sentence. i really like that-its like having an actual conversation.
the party was so much fun. you really did nail that feeling down of going to one and just chilling out. again i fell in love with the girl that you can talk to.
id love to see nicks character come out more in the writing. anything that references spider-man btw gets an automatic like in my book. to quote tobey maguire from spider-man "oh boy, yeah"
Right off the bat, the pacing is definably charming. It feels pretty on-point, with even-spaced timing and short, digestible passages. The little highlighted passages with the extra blurbs of info add some nice informational agency, and helped make the game feel like less a story and more akin to a point-and-click adventure.
Though, some of those blurbs tend to be necessary for the flow of the passage. Like -
"I had immersed myself into a different world, a world where hundreds of students forgot about the upcoming semester, and just let themselves go."
"world" doesn't need to be a link in order to keep the passage coherent or compact. It's short enough as-is!
There are some strange capitalizations in terms of writing and odd choices in terms of word and sentence structure, but that's alright.
I found the beginning to be charming and funny, with its fair share of comedy and intrigue to be lovely. I like Gatsby's reclusiveness; his reluctance to wave hello.
The introduction lacks any explanation of what the "west egg" is. Despite having read The Great Gatsby in the past, I have since forgotten what it was. So, some exposition on that would be good.
After some exploration, holy HECK the scope of the party is massive. Lots and lots and lots to do. Try not to stretch yourself too thin!
Also, I liked the rando girl conversation. It felt very natural, besides her extremely long-winded sentences. I'd suppose they'd be more interrupted and frantic considering the circumstances.
Nonetheless, solid foundation. Can't wait to see how it pans out!
Here's some things that I'm wondering: how is the pacing/writing? Is it interactive enough? Is it boring? Is the introduction too rushed? Sorry about the incompleteness!
I think the pacing is great — not too rushed or too slow, although I did find myself craving slightly more detail sometimes. This is in part because your narration has some slight similarities to the original text (retrospective framing, sharing bits of knowledge in advance that the character doesn't know yet), and that primed me for a similar writing style — however, I may be in the minority on this! The introduction wasn't too rushed for me, although if you want to give the POV character a more distinct voice or personality, that would be a good place to expand. No pressure to do that, though, as I think a relatively blank slate POV character works well here.
Very engaging pacing!! I feel like each passage leaves just enough mystery, and inspires just enough curiosity, for me to want to click each option... that being said, if you're trying to do the entire plot of the book, the party seems out of scope (too detailed) The writing itself is very engaging and the choices are interesting, but I want to get to new places just a little bit quicker. Also, just a small proofreading note: certain sentences/paragraphs are a bit redundant. This is more of a nitpick than anything.
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Hello—Sam here! I liked this piece quite a bit; transplanting Gatsby into modern-day collegiate New York is an interesting shift, and I think you preserved the mystery and allure of Gatsby-the-myth very well.
As for the pacing, the only issue that I noticed was some odd self-reflection; Nick talks about how he'd been at the party for quite a while and heard so much about Gatsby, yet to me, playing it, only a few minutes had passed. What I might potentially recommend as a possible solution is have more snippets of scenes (like with Jordan or the first drink or the weird library nerd), but shorten those snippets. Hitting the reader with a whole boatload of short, sharp moments will help the party and Gatsby-mythos have more space and time, but not actually much more in the way of word-count.
Other than that, I'd be sure to do another pass for sentence structure and clarity, and double-check your flowchart—I got caught in a loop where I ended up talking to Jordan twice. Still, your piece is working well, and I'd love to read more.
Ooooo I'm here for this ship...
Haha, in all seriousness, that was a cool way to introduce the characters around. I was a little bit uncertain about picking at times because I wasn't sure that I'd get another chance to come back to the other options, and it seems like that might've been true for some of them. Other than that, I'm definitely more curious about Gatsy along with Nick as well since it starts in such a mysterious spot. Hoping to see more in the future!
The style of writing and pacing of choices works quite well here, I think -- it's reminiscent of the original work, but those similarities serve to highlight the new touches you've added (interactivity and the college-aged characters). I did have to wonder how there are frat houses and apartment buildings out on West Egg, which is mostly big mansions in suburban drives -- but I suppose a wealthy enough fraternity could have a mansion as well as a traditional frat house right next to campus? (Or you could change the setting to the upper west side, or similar.)
It's definitely not boring or rushed! If anything, it felt like a leisurely introduction to characters and setting, easy to read and at a gentle pace. So gentle that it made me worry about how much more there is to read/write, but I'm sure that comes partly from knowing that there's a ton more story in the original book, and I imagine that by next week you're not going to try to do ALL of that, but have an abridged version in mind? At least I hope you do!
- I definitely don't think it's rushed! I love the pacing of it (though im sad I couldnt just Leave The Party since that isnt finished yet because my introverted ass chose that as my first option lol) and the introduction is definitely clear and charming too.
- I do love the interaction you do have so far though! It helps to set the world and to show how out of place Nick is at the party and in general with his own tone of voice when speaking compared to the girl he talks to. Definitely looking forward to more possible interactions like that!
- I really don't have much I can criticize to be honest I genuinely love it so far and can't wait to see where it heads from here!
First off, I like the project right away I think. The pacing, the amount of interaction and other stuff feel great for me. I guess the reason could be I am getting a little bit the same vibe as watching the Gatsby movie. The description of the main room and the tone of the language are all really good at this stage.
I feel pretty immersed as the protagonist of the story, a stranger who attend a random party held by some mystery guy, and I am just trying to socialized and finding out who Gatsby is, kinda like what Tobey Maguire would do. Overall I am getting the vibe from both the movie and maybe some classic escape-room-games where I am trying to learn the surroundings throughout the entire game.
To be complete honest, maybe I cannot give any constructive suggestions because I like everything I have been seeing, and I am really looking forward to the ending.
It's a bit boring going through the party but I believe that's because we already know how this party is from the beginning thanks to pop culture's love for frats. I'd say add some sound here and remove anything that seems too redundant. I like the interactions we're having so far!
I don't believe the intro is rushed at all. If anything it sounds like there's a mystery afoot! It also feels like there might be a romantic route in here.
Oh and I must say, I don't know what format you're using to make it look like a book snippet but's it's working! Try making the font a bit bigger (12 or 14) if you can!
im in love with the girl that nick talks to that says "hella", maam? can i be in your dms please?
the writing is really nice and feels modern. i think i was threw off a bit by nicks really simple "hi, im nick" (i read it in tobey maguires voice) but then everything else really fell into place overtime.
you do the danganronpa thing (the first game) in where you can get more information by clicking on a word within the sentence. i really like that-its like having an actual conversation.
the party was so much fun. you really did nail that feeling down of going to one and just chilling out. again i fell in love with the girl that you can talk to.
id love to see nicks character come out more in the writing. anything that references spider-man btw gets an automatic like in my book. to quote tobey maguire from spider-man "oh boy, yeah"
Right off the bat, the pacing is definably charming. It feels pretty on-point, with even-spaced timing and short, digestible passages. The little highlighted passages with the extra blurbs of info add some nice informational agency, and helped make the game feel like less a story and more akin to a point-and-click adventure.
Though, some of those blurbs tend to be necessary for the flow of the passage. Like -
"I had immersed myself into a different world,
"world" doesn't need to be a link in order to keep the passage coherent or compact. It's short enough as-is!a world where hundreds of students forgot about the upcoming semester, and just let themselves go."
There are some strange capitalizations in terms of writing and odd choices in terms of word and sentence structure, but that's alright.
I found the beginning to be charming and funny, with its fair share of comedy and intrigue to be lovely. I like Gatsby's reclusiveness; his reluctance to wave hello.
The introduction lacks any explanation of what the "west egg" is. Despite having read The Great Gatsby in the past, I have since forgotten what it was. So, some exposition on that would be good.
After some exploration, holy HECK the scope of the party is massive. Lots and lots and lots to do. Try not to stretch yourself too thin!
Also, I liked the rando girl conversation. It felt very natural, besides her extremely long-winded sentences. I'd suppose they'd be more interrupted and frantic considering the circumstances.
Nonetheless, solid foundation. Can't wait to see how it pans out!
Here's some things that I'm wondering: how is the pacing/writing? Is it interactive enough? Is it boring? Is the introduction too rushed? Sorry about the incompleteness!
hi kaz!
I think the pacing is great — not too rushed or too slow, although I did find myself craving slightly more detail sometimes. This is in part because your narration has some slight similarities to the original text (retrospective framing, sharing bits of knowledge in advance that the character doesn't know yet), and that primed me for a similar writing style — however, I may be in the minority on this! The introduction wasn't too rushed for me, although if you want to give the POV character a more distinct voice or personality, that would be a good place to expand. No pressure to do that, though, as I think a relatively blank slate POV character works well here.
- jess
Very engaging pacing!! I feel like each passage leaves just enough mystery, and inspires just enough curiosity, for me to want to click each option... that being said, if you're trying to do the entire plot of the book, the party seems out of scope (too detailed) The writing itself is very engaging and the choices are interesting, but I want to get to new places just a little bit quicker. Also, just a small proofreading note: certain sentences/paragraphs are a bit redundant. This is more of a nitpick than anything.