Because no one will read this.

Ok, so this is the close thing i have to a blog, did this itch sitch a go and well #JustDoIt i mean, f#ck man.

Ok so im 28 and all my friends are suicidal. Umm yeah, my life some what intresting and unusual. Because no one will read this, and i feel like venting, here we go.

Im a 28 yr male, and im somewhat of a dyslexic Manic depressive. Who grew up with parents who are spritual workers, so growing up, ghost, sprint, a whole manner of crazy, as such as i grewn up seing and exleriencing life at a much deeper level.

So going ghost busting with your parents is a normal occurance. Now when i say ghostbusting its not what you think. thing Is all the novies, tv shows, comic, games. None of them get it right. But anyways lets just say you have a different understanding of death

All my friends are suicidal, theres this girl im intrested, its insanely complicated, shes also suicidal, many closest friends eithr are or have been suicidal. My two closest local friends are both suicidal, one ofy oldest friemds had a divorce(lets say) and lived with men in my room for a month. Who would think of new ways to kill himself Daily, but hey, as long as he is crestive and focual about it, its good. Its processing the emotions.

Until recently hadn't made a game in more tham 10 years, end of high school. I have studyed 3d animation(bachelors)and worked in 3d printing and scaning. (as well.and many various and weierd jobs). About.9 months ago had reconstructive knee surgery, and at the time was working at the motor auctions (not my.first.car.job.) and on a regular basie drive.up to 100+ cars a day.

After thisninjiry.and operatiom,.i couldnt return to work, well not that driving job again, qmd needed 6 months plus of.physio. whilst in recovory i was.3d printing(lieimg in my.bed, on cruthes, wireless mouse and keyboard. I then started.to learn unity and have since.started.school to learn programming.

Anls sucj it all leads here, ill jist have this as.a.creative space to do what i want.and take people along for the ride.

Do.what you can, for.who you can, when you can. 

I type all this after.another.strange moment in my life.

Years ago,.i was alone, my friends wernt there for me, post break up, non diagnosed mental.reck, indugent mess. I held.the knife.to my wrist for a time, stsyed there, as time drifited away, in that moment i stayed, as death laid less than an inch away.

I had to prove that i was.strong enough. Stong enough to live.

I have been close.to death many time,(ridng on oofs.of.cars, skateing cazy hill, driftng the old.volvo.full speed aond the moutains.  im.a.maniac.and.do things my way. This was the first time.i stayed in that moment.

I have 1 percent battery left.

Ive.pulledy friends out the shower with a kife against themselfs, been in alot of.crazy situations.

Point is, you need to talk.about this stuff. And be there unconditionally. And when your in a bad way, talk.to someone. perhaps.i need to talk.this out.with myself, but noone will read this so it can be rmy Therphy for now.

Its.6am. Stuff.speel check.1percent.

Love uncondionally :)