Posted December 28, 2024 by ATinyLittleCloud
#Postmortem #Rambling #nsfw
Before we begin I need you to know that I know how ridiculous writing a postmortem on nonsense porn is. Oh and if any experts are in here I'm sorry for mistakes, I don't actually know what a postmortem is, this thing might be all wrong. :P
Bella Hale is in the closet because she doesn't want her twin sister killing herself.
What a sentence!
It's so strong I was debating having it on the game page. But I couldn't, it was after all the only mystery the story had.
It was a fun mystery to solve, because in the universe the story is set in it's super ok to be gay... So why was she?
The solution came as I was reading about twins, learning they don't enter puberty at the same time. It just made me wonder what that must be like.
Then add the fact that the twins aren't normal, they were after all conceived during a ritual to wake an ancient sex god. And they both got enhanced with larger assets (and other things, there's a reason Bell really likes juices.) making puberty quite scary.
Donna grew so fast she had just been a little kid then blam!
Imagine being thirteen going from nothing to an H-cup in a week, Getting stretch marks along your breast and thighs. a panicking mom taking you to a hospital as your twin sister gets left behind remaining normal.
Then the next few weeks in school as well, everyone staring, suddenly all male teachers having that scary aura and all female teachers that weird look of concern. Everywhere she went everyone was just thinking of her, was something wrong with her?
Poor Donna drew herself inward, isolating herself. Attempting suicide.
Then her sister came and gave her a hug...
FUCK this story could have been good if I was braver!
But I really couldn't write about a thirteen year old's horrific puberty in an adult story. I couldn't do a deep dive into it because it would creep me out.
So I just settled on quick meh exposition scenes during night time.
Then as I wanted a latex scene I squeezed in the big emotional thing in the middle of nowhere making it flow weird yea that's probably why i wanted to went I couldn't figure out the flow!
The attempt.
I dislike that I went with suicide again, I don't like repetition and it annoys me.
And even though it's not in a similar fashion and that the twins and Anne are linked so it is even okay in theme.
It still makes me roll my eyes at my own lack of creativity...
Bell looked at her weird hands, (not weird to her that was just how hands looked like in this world).
Hmm.
It felt like this could really have been something if I was better.
That car scene, Bella just crying her eyes out, finally getting released from the thing that had kept her scared for the last 6 years.
Imagine the impact that one could have had if I landed it cleaner. And I'm not saying it's bad don't get me wrong on rereads I cry my eyes out just... It could have been cleaner! Ghaaa!
In the end I still cry more during Fran's F Search.
A Lot Of Random Notes
I'm not happy with how shit I was at representing Frankie and Patrick's relationship. They did not come across as madly in love trying to have kids.
I used the super comfortable with each other angle since they had been dating for 8 years at this point in the story but it mostly came off as them being dismissive and annoyed with each other more then comfortable.
In the end the fault lies with Patrick there was just nothing in there. I should have done better when we got to see his home life to at least contrast it with how he acted during shoots... But he was exhausted, he had been working on the pictures all day. Then just Frankie down there grabbing his leg for hours asking for his dick.
Frankie said 'around' my age but she's ten years older than Bella. Frankie is twenty nine. I didn't know how to tell the reader this fact... So I just added quotation marks around the around word. To make you go hmmm...
This story exists because I wanted to explore the twin tag in porn.... I failed that assignment.
The reason mom was emotional was because she had entered perimenopause the first steps into menopause. That combined with her twin daughters turning twenty was just a double whammy for this week. Another thing I didn't really know how to tell the reader.
The owner of the sexshop in Unaware is called miss shop keep. In this she was called missus, I had her married off screen.
This is set twenty years in the future but I was to lazy to think on that so I just ignored it. There's a scene of Donna coming home on her bike and I did consider mentioning it hoovers but I got lazy and just had Donna walk in on her mom looking at porn instead.
Frankie spreading Bella's pussy open as Bella pees herself while wearing an armbinder was just insane. It wasn't hot, probably? Didn't do anything for anyone yet it was still interesting and fun. That scene happened because I just let the story write itself for a couple of minutes. Just like the pizza eating in Unaware part two.
Anyway... I do try to put at least a minute of thought into every sentence...
I could actually continue this post all night, but let's not, let's put this one on the shelf and move on to the next thing.
Good bye everyone! And thank you for reading! :)
PS:
Regarding a part two
Probably... I still haven't touched the twins tag after all...
Is the twin tag considered incest? I mean it is but do people think about that when it happens? I just realized this second that that one time I saw two hot twins kissing I did not think it was incest... my mind were somewhere else I guess... If I do a part two and the twin tag happens I will highlight it so you can get this little thought I just had.
"No Donna we can't! Mom has forbidden incest remember!"
"Bell we saw mom and auntie Jen kiss goodbye. She will be fine with us kissing,"
"Okay, let's do a quick one then..."
Hmm, it needs a bit of work. :P That first line is a bit awkward. :P