Posted December 19, 2025 by Silk Fox
I hope everyone's been doing well as we approach the end of the year!
Warm wishes to anyone getting snow this time of year, and happy holidays to those of you who celebrate <3 I've been learning more about passive vs active voice, and reworking a bit of THoN based on this feedback (only the first few paragraphs, and only stylistically). Because active voice lends itself to immersion, I want to make sure I truly understand how to implement it before moving forward with the bulk of my writing.
Immersion is something I've been particularly concerned with because it can make or break the experience of diving into a new world, learning the lore, and romancing the characters :) I've decided to post the first few reworked paragraphs of THoN below so you can vote on which version you prefer (the original or the reworked version) here if you'd like! That way I have a better idea of what everyone prefers before I actually implement the changes.
Original Version:
When you open your eyes, you're covered in blood and snow. Your lashes are frosted white. You blink twice, slowly.
It's dark. The sky above is a deep indigo, filled with smog and car exhaust. You're surrounded by crumbling brick, and you can just barely make out the blare of horns in the distance. Snow continues to fall in delicate spirals and, for a moment, you stare at the ice crystals, transfixed.
They're pure.
Perfect.
Hauntingly beautiful as they lay suspended in the pool of blood that surrounds you.
Pain blooms beneath your ribs, sharp and unyielding. Your hands come to rest on your abdomen and you realize, belatedly, the crimson blood pooling around you is your own.
Reworked Version:
You open your eyes to oblivion.
Scarlet snow blankets your half-frozen form. Frost coats your lashes. You blink twice, slowly.
It's dark.
Smears of deep indigo stain the sky above, streaked with smog and car exhaust. A horns blares in the distance. You gasp, dragging frigid air past cracked lips. The bitter cold burns going down and settles beneath your ribs. Slick iron warms your tongue despite the frosbite that has stolen the color from your lips, now a pallor white as bone. Snow continues to fall in delicate spirals and, for a moment, you stare at the ice crystals, transfixed.
They're pure.
Perfect.
Hauntingly beautiful as they lay suspended in the pool of blood that surrounds you.
Pain blooms beneath your ribs, sharp and unyielding. You lift your hand to your abdomen and realize, belatedly, the crimson blood pooling around you is your own.
Feel free to chime in with any additional advice/suggestions <3 I know sometimes I get tunnel vision with my writing, so I appreciate when people point out areas in my blind spots.