I played through all the endings just to get the full scope of the game and sat down to watch the epilogue video as well. It's honestly a powerful story delivered in such a simple way and you should be proud of this. All of the negative reviews just don't get it.
Imagine for a moment you are a player for the game and somehow it hit emotionally right.
You’re angry about injustices in the world, in your head you just played out a poor trans woman getting tortured and destroyed by the medical system.
Five minutes ago you might’ve been curious, now you’re angry.
The next thing you see is a review box on steam. Well, that rage has to go somewhere.
I made a game that makes people angry and all of that rage boomeranged back on me and hit me on the head.
Then since games can be played forever it continued to hit me for years - over and over - with each new player.
It’s counter intuitive for me to say this but it wasn’t that the reviewers didn’t get it, it’s that I didn’t get the nature of players and reviewers at the time.
When I made the game all I wanted was for players in a few minutes to understand how the psychological medical complex had hurt me. I didn’t think about players feelings of rage and where that anger would go.
The player wasn’t at fault as much as me as a newbie game designer not understanding them enough yet.
I wouldn’t say I am ashamed of the game, more it was a good experience for me to have as a developer.
I don’t know if you ever played HFTGOOM but that was built on a lot of lessons learned from this game.
I could have ended the game on a note of pure despair but instead I blatantly ended it by literally asking players to “accept me”.
I begged for empathy because I was at such a low that I couldn’t take another “saving you from yourself” anger mob but I also desperately wanted to be understood and accepted as a person.
Players were kinder to me as a result because at the core of it: players will mirror back at you whatever you put into a game.
Found this very well written. Love the shitty instructions (an accurate description) at the start as a condemnation of these systems. Incredibly confused by how the Steam reviews read this.
It was a very early game for me written when I was super early in starting out. I don't really think I was prepared for steam player's reactions at all.
Everyone has to start somewhere but when you're used to pro devs then it's easy to get angry at someone starting out. I am glad that I continued to try to make games.
this hits so hard... i'm an AMAB transfeminine person who's gone through this same thing for several years, although i quit my therapist about 2-3 months ago when she gave me the same spiel about needing to meet even MORE criteria to even be diagnosed with gender dysphoria so i can go through the process of being approved for hormones! amazing game, i'm satisfied with the ending i gave Arle and honestly don't want to see any of the other endings. ignorance is bliss <3
Oh, wow you played a lot of my games today including the super obscure ones. Thank you!
If you gave Arle a happy ending, that's all she needs.
Therapists can be awful and it's so hard for people outside the trans community to understand the systemic trauma that they've inflicted on us.
Your therapist from back then in particular sounds really rough and I am sorry you have to deal with that. It seems to be a pattern I've seen happen again and again over so many years. It's horrible.
Anyways, thank you again for playing my games today, it means a lot to me.
I would give this 100/5 stars if I could. I'm just non-binary but this.. its nice. As someone who handles meds I think I would wanna make sure I'd wanna do something this big and be double sure. I ran through the game about 3 times for the endings. I was very upset tho that.. its so realistic with having to sell things and do stuff just to be able to get what you need.. it's sad but overall this game is amazing even if its small. The artstyle? MWAH! MWAH MWAH!!! <3
← Return to game
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
I played through all the endings just to get the full scope of the game and sat down to watch the epilogue video as well. It's honestly a powerful story delivered in such a simple way and you should be proud of this. All of the negative reviews just don't get it.
Imagine for a moment you are a player for the game and somehow it hit emotionally right.
You’re angry about injustices in the world, in your head you just played out a poor trans woman getting tortured and destroyed by the medical system.
Five minutes ago you might’ve been curious, now you’re angry.
The next thing you see is a review box on steam. Well, that rage has to go somewhere.
I made a game that makes people angry and all of that rage boomeranged back on me and hit me on the head.
Then since games can be played forever it continued to hit me for years - over and over - with each new player.
It’s counter intuitive for me to say this but it wasn’t that the reviewers didn’t get it, it’s that I didn’t get the nature of players and reviewers at the time.
When I made the game all I wanted was for players in a few minutes to understand how the psychological medical complex had hurt me. I didn’t think about players feelings of rage and where that anger would go.
The player wasn’t at fault as much as me as a newbie game designer not understanding them enough yet.
I wouldn’t say I am ashamed of the game, more it was a good experience for me to have as a developer.
I don’t know if you ever played HFTGOOM but that was built on a lot of lessons learned from this game.
I could have ended the game on a note of pure despair but instead I blatantly ended it by literally asking players to “accept me”.
I begged for empathy because I was at such a low that I couldn’t take another “saving you from yourself” anger mob but I also desperately wanted to be understood and accepted as a person.
Players were kinder to me as a result because at the core of it: players will mirror back at you whatever you put into a game.
x_x
As a Trans girl I can't force myself to deny HRT...I just can't
It's okay, this is a game where you are given the option to do something extremely cruel.
Choosing to not do that thing is 100% a reasonable option.
Found this very well written. Love the shitty instructions (an accurate description) at the start as a condemnation of these systems. Incredibly confused by how the Steam reviews read this.
It was a very early game for me written when I was super early in starting out. I don't really think I was prepared for steam player's reactions at all.
Everyone has to start somewhere but when you're used to pro devs then it's easy to get angry at someone starting out. I am glad that I continued to try to make games.
the world sucks bro
this hits so hard... i'm an AMAB transfeminine person who's gone through this same thing for several years, although i quit my therapist about 2-3 months ago when she gave me the same spiel about needing to meet even MORE criteria to even be diagnosed with gender dysphoria so i can go through the process of being approved for hormones! amazing game, i'm satisfied with the ending i gave Arle and honestly don't want to see any of the other endings. ignorance is bliss <3
Oh, wow you played a lot of my games today including the super obscure ones. Thank you!
If you gave Arle a happy ending, that's all she needs.
Therapists can be awful and it's so hard for people outside the trans community to understand the systemic trauma that they've inflicted on us.
Your therapist from back then in particular sounds really rough and I am sorry you have to deal with that. It seems to be a pattern I've seen happen again and again over so many years. It's horrible.
Anyways, thank you again for playing my games today, it means a lot to me.
this is such a good game
I would give this 100/5 stars if I could. I'm just non-binary but this.. its nice. As someone who handles meds I think I would wanna make sure I'd wanna do something this big and be double sure. I ran through the game about 3 times for the endings. I was very upset tho that.. its so realistic with having to sell things and do stuff just to be able to get what you need.. it's sad but overall this game is amazing even if its small. The artstyle? MWAH! MWAH MWAH!!! <3