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OPR Writing Jam #10

Hosted by onepagerules · #oprwj10

1,648

Ratings

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A jam submission

Smoke Break - OPR Writing Jam #10View project page

A HDF gunner tempts fate. One page story set in OPR's Grimdark Future setting.

Submitted by Toastmortem — 1 day, 2 hours before the deadline

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Smoke Break - OPR Writing Jam #10's itch.io page

Results

Criteria	Rank	Score*	Raw Score
Flow & Clarity	#1	4.310	4.310
Adherence to Theme	#1	4.310	4.310
Overall	#2	4.080	4.080
Concepts & Originality	#37	3.621	3.621

Ranked from 29 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

onepagerulesHost38 days ago(+1)

Congratulations on placing! Please reach out to marketing@onepagerules.com with your MyMiniFactory email address to claim your prize!

DaydamSubmitted43 days ago(+1)

Awesome story!

Submitted

Reckoner67Submitted43 days ago(+1)

Ooo, short and sweet and you absolutely nailed the ending. Really well done!

Submitted

She Always Gets Hers

Balmong7Submitted45 days ago(+1)

Really enjoyed this one. It was a perfect encapsulation of the theme.

Submitted

Steel and Blood

Hobby FuzionSubmitted46 days ago(+1)

clearly and tightly written and shot was on theme, nice!

Submitted

In the Name of a God

buttlordprimusSubmitted46 days ago(+1)

This one got me. I knew where it was going but could do nothing to stop the chills it gave me. Loved it!

Submitted

Gabriella's Sacrifice

ToastmortemDeveloper46 days ago(+1)

Thanks! It is very nice to hear that the story "worked".

chicken_boi7Submitted46 days ago(+1)

I absolutely love the imagery of the story. I could really picture myself in that cold dungy bunker. That ending though. The sheer amount of emotion it showed without even saying a word. beautiful.

Submitted

Failure to Eradicate

ToastmortemDeveloper46 days ago(+1)

Thanks! I really appreciate the kind words.

SupNerdsSubmitted47 days ago(+3)

I liked this one a lot! It's refreshing to read a story that doesn't feel like it's had sections chopped out to fit in the word limit. A worse story might feel simple and underdone, but yours feels very intentional - you used exactly the space you needed and no more.

Submitted

Capricorn (Too Old For Dying Young) - OPR Writing Jam #10 Submission

ToastmortemDeveloper47 days ago(+1)

Thanks! My first draft was actually under the 500 word minimum by a bit and I felt like a student trying to pad out an essay's word count to get it over 500 without "ruining" it. :P

It was the opposite problem I thought I would have...

rglongSubmitted47 days ago(+1)

brutal and heartbreaking. I love it!

Submitted

ToastmortemDeveloper47 days ago(+1)

Glad you liked it! As soon as I saw the jam theme I went "Darn, whatever I write is going to have a sad ending, isn't it?"

rglongSubmitted47 days ago

with a theme like consequences, somebody is gonna get deleted 😅

August MaxwellSubmitted47 days ago(+1)

Clearest story I've read so far and you nailed the theme and grimdark tone.

Nice work!

Submitted

Caladan's Reckoning

ToastmortemDeveloper47 days ago(+1)

Thank you very much!