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Too Much Dialogue

A topic by LoserLikeMe21 created Jun 15, 2017 Views: 112 Replies: 3
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This game could be a cute fan made game mainly inspired by Yandere Simulator, but as of right now, there's just nothing to it. Nothing substantial at least. The dialogue is too long, too boring and is used to explain way too much. Like the first few minutes of the game is just a monologue explaining everything about the character you play, and it continues through out. Dialogue can be used to explain stuff, but it being so blatantly obvious can be a bit irritating; especially since the characters don't talk (in the slightest) like normal teenagers do. Now, i get that dialogue in games and shows can be a bit...not quite normal...but something about the way topics are brought up, and the way things are discussed just doesn't sit right; like at all.  

Another thing that irks me, is the characters themselves. They don't seem to be the same as they are in Yandere Sim. I'm aware the characters aren't fully fleshed out yet in that game, but there's a basis to them, they react certain ways and act certain ways. Logical ways. Yet the ones in this game don't, they act differently and illogically. Especially the main character. He knows Yandere Chan is murderous, evil and all the rest; yet he's still conflicted between helping her and helping Osana.....like?? This sort of thing could be fun to play, a little 'match x with y or y with z' sort of thing. But the lack of choices, the long dialogue that's not quite right...I dunno, it isn't something i'd play again. Especially if it remains this way.

I realise all of that was negative and not...very constructive so here. I think the art is cute and i wish all of it was drawn; rather than the backgrounds being from the actual game. Since that's one thing i think is a pro in the game so far, it's a cutesy art style and the characters do look quite adorable. So the art style combined with more choices, more important plot points (i.e if they choose option A then they're more likely to get a good outcome) would really set up a nice Match Making Sim type thing. Perhaps there could be alternative endings where the protagonist can end up dating Yandere Chan, or perhaps another student. Yanno?  

I appreciate the time and effort put into this game, i just don't think i would've played it if i had known what it really was and what it contained. Because right now, it just isn't something i can enjoy. 


Thank you for the comment.

I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry that you think the story is boring, however, I will explain why I didn't have that many choices through out the game... because I wanted the player to pick who they wanted to help, so having choices through out the game would have been pointless. If Corrin picked by himself then yes, there would be choices where he's like "Do I see Osana today at dinner, or Ayano..." then you get the choice, whoever you interacted with more would be the person you help at the mid way point of Chapter 5. Plus... My previous experiences was making kinetic visual novels where it's just one long story.

Characters... Hmm... I guess you could say I put my own spin on them? Ech. I couldn't just have Ayano sat in a corner all game. I needed her to be a bit more social then the Yan-Sim's Yan-chan for the game's story to work. I know the characters aren't 1 to 1 exactly how they are in Yan-Sim or Fire Emblem Fates and that's not what I was going for, sorta an abridged style; but I guess that doesn't work when you can't even write alternate takes of them, AM I RIGHT!?

You like my art? Thank you! I thought that was what would have gotten the most negative attention. Backgrounds... Yeah, I just wanted to write the game, so I didn't bother drawing up backgrounds. However, I do make my own backgrounds of the Hyperforce All-Stars visual novels I've made and... then you'll see why I didn't make my own backgrounds for this game (because I suck at it!).

The full version of the game has been out since 24th December 2016: https://staroms-inc.itch.io/ya... The beginning is roughly the same so feel free to skip to the big choice in Chapter 5 and select "Refuse to choose a side" to go down Corrin's path (the only finished path as this game's development has been dropped). I think you maybe surprised as to what happens in the end, plus... I will admit, that is the more exciting part of the game. I will admit, I did struggle writing for this game so... that's probably why the dialogue sucks...

Thank you for taking the time to write your review and read my reply. I understand not everyone is going to like my game, but... It kinda sucks when the only actual decent comment I get is a negative one. I just gotta take notes and make myself better, yes? 

- J5 the Hyperforce.

Hey, no problem!

I'm sorry if the comment was a bit, uh, harsh perhaps? It wasn't intended to be but i just stated what came to mind at the time. Ah, i see. Now that i understand what you were going for, i can kinda get why there wasn't choices, though i still feel that could've been implanted. I guess i just like games that are a little more interactive, if you get what i mean? But i better understand why there wasn't now, and i totally respect that though you'd want players to enjoy it, it also has to be something you like too - so i get why you decided to go with what you wanted! It is your game and i respect that, and i admire you for actually going a head and making it. Not only for making it but for publishing it as well, because that takes a lot of courage considering fan bases can be toxic and really harsh when it comes to judging stuff inspired by or based off of their favourite games/etc. Not saying the Yandere sim fans are like that, but just a lot fan bases in general tbh.

See, i can understand that. But at the same time, it kind of made certain actions and things a bit...odd? Illogical even. I may be remembering wrong (because i haven't slept and lfhrehrv, so feel free to correct me). But like, when Yan-Chan  goes to kill the rival and she's stopped, everyone's like "that's bad!!11 illegal!!11 he doesn't like illegal things!!1 he won't love u if you do that" and she's like "shit, u be right. i won't kill....4 now" Like, that's not how (imo) an angel would react to some chick getting ready to end somebody's life. And i know that for the angel dude, he's torn between who to help love wise....but i don't get that. He knows the chicks crazy, to the point where she will kill, why would he even want to help someone like that? But again, that's me being critical. I think it could've worked better if perhaps he did not know of her nature going into it? Like, he met her and she was charming and nice on the outside, so he agreed to help her....but then, as he did some digging and all of that, he found out she's not so nice... and that Osana or whatever was actually more of a match, and he's conflicted then because he's already too far in or something. I dunno! But, maybe i'm being too...critical and that made me not enjoy the plot for what it was, yanno? I have a habit of being an over thinking lil shit, and sometimes i forget to just turn that off and enjoy stuff (not always, like i'm not a buzz kill heh, just sometimes) So i'll maybe try the game again, read all the dialogue (of the finished game! just to clarify) and see if i like it then.

Honestly? I could understand why people might not like the art. It's not everyone's cuppa tea and it isn't close to the games art style. Buuut, in my humble opinion, it's very cutesy and it somewhat reminds me a Chibi art style, and i don't know if you were going for that? Either way, i like it and think it's quite adorable. I draw, not digitally (well not often, i haven't gotten into it yet and eh) but i do and my drawings are okay...and personally, i love that kinda style and i wish i could do it nearly as cute as yours were done haha. Ah, i see. I get'cha, i suppose it was just weird since the characters didn't look like they belonged in the scene. But that being said, i'll check out the Hyperforce All Stars thingy later and see how good/bad the backgrounds are. And i'm sure they'll be decent at the very least! (:

I'll definitely play it. yeah? And hey, don't feel bad about getting a decent 'negative' comment. Don't consider it negative, consider it more constructive! (tho i admit it may of been worded really poorly and harshly buuut still!) The only way we learn is by taking on board other peoples perspectives, ideas, opinions and seeing if what we're doing/creating/etc can be moulded to fit that in or fit around that - and sometimes it can't, but it can help us learn something for future. I write stories, and i never finish them. And the worst part? People tell me that what i do write is actually good, but i let myself get so focused on making it perfect...that it being good isn't enough. So please, don't feel disheartened or bad about not being able to do something great or perfect first time around, my advice would to be finish it. Finish it, get people to give feedback and tweak it, whether that be tweaking the dialogue, the way the plot is set up, how the story ends, whatever. Just tweak it and then check if that's any better, and do that till you have a product that you feel is good enough. Obviously you can ask people to read it by chapter or however you decide to tell the story.  Just don't be like me and get bummed out that it isn't good enough and stop, because that makes actually finishing and developing harder than it needs to be. (I'm realising now you've probably gone on to finish stories/games now and feel silly for writing that out but yanno, too lazy to delete it so-) 

And i'm not sure what other comments you got, but i'm sorry that mine was...so negative in a way, and that it was the only one you felt was decent. I'm just glad you kinda tried to understand where i was coming from rather than get mad, honestly. So i respect you for that. I'll go play the finished one and i'll actually finish it without skipping anything (:

p.s sorry for the long comments, i'm terrible for writing long stuff


A bit harsh but hey, you was being honest, and I can respect that. You kept to a respectable tone. But yeah, A YanSimFates where you made choices along the way does sound fun, but I wanted it to reflect Fire Emblem Fates where at one point, you choose a side. Having choices along the way would have really been pointless. But...  I have been in the fanbase of YanSim and it is just as toxic. XD

Corrin wouldn't help Ayano kill someone, he would tame the Yandere Girl and make it so then she gets with him proper without illegal actions. Now what you suggested with Corrin being tricked by Ayano's outer personality does sound good idea, however, in Corrin Revelations, it is revealed as to why Hoshido and Nohr knew about Ayano in the first place. Do give that route a go. Hopefully it ties up some loose ends that was left open for the demo. The Cupids are more devious than at first glance.

BIG ROUND HEADS!! XD Well, my art style is a hybrid of Anime and Cartoons. Plus many people have pointed out that they are chibi like so... I just carried on with that. Besides... If you are checking out the HFAS VNs... The art is outdated... No necks!! XD Just thought I'd warn you that they are kinda outdated so... If they're bad... I know I have improved since then.

I know it was constructive. I'm just shook. XD But sorry, I'm not carrying on with YanSimFates development because I need to move on to my bigger VN project. The biggest one I have ever devise. All the issues you have with YanSimFates are fixed in Armatelum Showdown (I think...?), plus like I said, I struggled with writing the story, even know I had a plan. I don't thin Yandere Sim is the type of game universe I could write for. I'm more of a comedic, light-hearted but dark writer. Kinda like the Kirby series. I just don't think my writing style get's along with YanSim's universe that well. My favourite character in this VN is Robin. I know why... Because Robin is the type of character I am the best at writing. Robin really is like a Hyperforce All-Stars character. But hey, I'm not gonna get disheartened because one guy didn't like the game. I know I won't please everyone. It's just odd that the only review I get is the negative one. It's like I say: My life is a sitcom. Since Armatelum Showdown is my own universe, I think my writing for that will be much better as, since I made it, I will be able to get the tone right.

This was the only damn review I got. X'D My life!! Don't be sorry about writing long comments. Sometimes it can't be helped. But hey, you did say you write stories. This game is open to the public so if you want to make your own Yandere Simulator Fates, building off the proof of concept I have established, then why not go full steam ahead?