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StorysingerGames

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Downloaded the exe, though when I tried to play, I got an error that said "Data folder not found. There should be 'Until_Eleven_Demo_v1_Data' folder next to the executable". Any idea what's going on?

Definitely want to give this a look, but Chrome doesn't support the Unity app...could you provide a download link?

Thank you for your comments on the backstory and Literate, too-- some characters speaking as the rabbit of Literate came to me while I was rewriting some scenes(my editing technique-- write a first draft in Word, and then open whatever I'm using to write the game and rewrite the entire script. It really helps in revisions, making character voices better, and improving the script in general. Even though it takes some time, I think it's worth it.), and I think it works quite well.

I don't think I've heard of that editing technique before; I'll have to try it sometime!

Thank you for your comment! Sorry this response is a bit late!

[2/2]

@Tim White

I'm glad you liked Nathan's voice(though Connor Thomas Cleary's comments made it clear to me I have to do better next time, and I'll do my best to write a more believable child character the next time I write one) and the music. I had so much fun doing the music; my favorite track is one with 4 strings, a clarinet, and a looping synth, though it only plays a few times(it really didn't fit into the story as well as the piano song that plays throughout), one of them being at the beginning of Nathan's visit to the principal.

[1/2]

The traits are interesting, but I found it hilarious that I will be curious, courageous, and pessimistic. The pessimistic part could've been phrased better-- after all, choosing an easier path isn't exactly pessimistic. How about "laid back", or something like that?

Finally, the various settings of the game don't really make sense. Why would a baby know a thing about school, or caves with dragons, or a mountain with a dude in a parka?

Overall, the game is decent, but the reveal makes the game very, very...odd. It makes it less annoying-- this really does seems to be about gender identity until the ending, like Norbez said, and it does seem to be hitting you over the head iwth that message for a while-- though it doesn't really make it better. Overall, I didn't really like the game.

[2/2]

[Spoilers!]

Ok, I can see what you were trying to do here; I really can. However, it doesn't really work. For one, if you're a baby, you'd already have "humanity", so picking it up makes no sense-- just because you're in the womb and don't look human yet doesn't mean you're not human. For another, what's with the crash at the beginning? What in the world does it represent? I can't figure out what it's supposed to mean at all-- unless the crash is a metaphor for having sex, but still, why would it be a crash? This also makes the key very strange, because if the car crash is a metaphor for sex, what does the key mean? (The part with the key is also really, really annoying--the only reason I figured out the key was in the car is because it's the only object that can be interacted with.)

[1/2]

The game always freezes around the "Do you have 25 GB I can borrow" point. Do you know why this is?

But then, there's the ending. Uninstall the app, or don't? I chose not to, just to see what would happen. I expected some sort of bad ending. Then, my choice isn't acknowledged AGAIN, and I have to delete it.

The final line: "What was this day going to be like? I was about to find out." Well, main character, I expect it'll be like every other day-- where you try to do something but are railroaded into doing only certain things. But hey, maybe it won't be. Hopefully.

I think you were trying to emphasize the main character's bad luck, but it didn't work-- I just felt like there were a whole bunch of choices that did nothing. It's very frustrating, and it didn't result in a game I enjoyed.

[2/2]

[Spoilers!]

This game is very linear. Yes, there are choices, but you're forced on to do certain things seemingly no matter what you do. This is shown as early as the beginning of the game, when the app tells me to skip work. So, I chose to skip work. But then, I can't do that and have to go to work no matter what. Ok, fine; it's only a minor thing. Ok, fine.

Then, there's the choice to take a taxi or the bus, so I chose taxi. But then, I'm forced to take the bus because the taxi doesn't stop for some reason. Why is this? If I make a choice, it should be acknowledged, not ignored as I'm forced into taking the bus for what seems like no actual reason.

Then, on the bus, there's the choice to pay with cash or debit, and because your debit isn't working, you have to pay with cash. My choice is once again ignored.

[1/2]

Well, the concept was vaguely interesting...and sadly, that's all I can really say about it. The story feels like a Matrix ripoff, I'm sorry to say, and the story isn't explored in a really enjoyable way. Since I didn't see anything else that could be examined with E, all that's there to do is press E to continue the story, and this isn't very fun. In a game like this, I expected to be able to interact with other things using E. Also, the story itself is riddled with typos and grammatical errors, making it even less enjoyable. When your game is essentially "press E to read", please at least make the text that needs to be read is free of errors, because otherwise it's really frustrating. Finally, when text is on the screen, it seems a couple seconds need to pass before E can be pressed. I really don't understand the need for this, and since I'm a fast reader, it's was a bit annoying to read the text and just wait for the game to finally let me press E.

[Spoilers!]

...Just noticed that my first comment isn't here for whatever reason. The comment below is 2/2, and since I don't know where 1/2 went, I'm going to retype it now.

The story is good, and the writing keeps things moving along at a nice pace, and keeps me interested in the story and characters. I thought it was fairly well done overall-- and then the twist happened. Lapin was controlling me all along? Really? This just seems to come out of nowhere, with no buildup or reason for it. Plus, I was making choices throughout the game, as the Captain. I wasn't being forced to make those choices, or being controlled into making certain choices, and therefore, the Captain wasn't either. So, in other words. the mechanics of the game itself contradict the twist. This also makes Lapin saying "Cut the strings" at the beginning make no sense, because why would she tell you to do that if she's controlling you and doesn't WANT you to do that?

Oh, so destroying the will is the only ending? Ok, that makes a bit more sense; I assumed destroying the will was a bad ending, and that there was a better ending somewhere...I guess that's not the case.

Now I can sort of understand what you were trying to do, but I think it doesn't really work-- perhaps because the player isn't given a reason to destroy the will. I didn't see a reason to do it while I was playing-- I only did because I saw the option, and I wondered what would happen if I did it. Maybe you could make it so, after 2 or so rooms are explored, the Countess realizes how little chance there is of her husband finding the will. Then, after a few more rooms, she says more about that, and so on until the player catches on that their quest to deposit the will is hopeless, and realizes it should be destroyed.

Well, that's what I might do. Just an idea.

[Ack, forgot to mention: Spoilers!]

So, the story is alright, and the writing keeps things interesting, but the twist is sudden, random, and, in my opinion, undermines the game as a whole.

Oh, I'm also in the WAG challenge! My game is called Literate, and you can find it here: http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

[Spoilers!]

I'm sorry to say this, but I didn't enjoy your game. At first, I thought each location to deposit the will would reveal a different ending, but I soon found that the game loops, seemingly endlessly. It looks like the will has to be deposited in the right place for the game to end, but, since there aren't any hints about where this right place is, the game becomes a pattern of "guess and see if the room's right, and if the guess is wrong, rinse and repeat". Yes, the descriptions of each place are written, but that doesn't stop the game from becoming quite tedious after depositing the will in quite a few places, to no avail.

So, while the writing is nice, the overarching plot and its structure is done too poorly for me to enjoy the game.

I also did the WAG challenge. My game is Literate, and you can find it at http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

The 7th ending I got was The Truth Hurts, and then I decided to get the others later. I gave a false name and didn't have the drink at the market, so it seems those determine if the queen says yes. Am I right? Please tell me; I'm curious. :D

I'm guessing 2 of the 3 endings I haven't gotten yet are determined by the reason for your adventure at the beginning. I just want to say it's a bit annoying to make a different choice at the beginning, and replay an entire game just for a small change all the way at the end. If there were changes along the way, it would be a bit better, because it means I'm not looking at the same text every single playthough.

Despite the minors problems mentioned above, this is definitely one of the best games in the jam. The writing is great, and it's complimented by beautiful presentation. The variety of the endings, and the number of them, make the game very interesting. All in all, it's a very nice game. Great job!

[3/3]

My first ending was "Death by Drowning". My second was "The Faerie Food You Ate", and it creeped me out. The third was "Death by Dancing ", which I got just to see if I was right to not to that earlier, and to get the ending. The 4th ending I got was The Rip Van Ending, just to see what would happen if I didn't use my knife. The 5th ending I got was Death by Knife, which...wasn't what I thought would happen if I used the knife. The 6th ending I got was You Know Better Now, just because.

For my first 2 endings, my question was to belong. For the 3rd-5th, it was to find a loved one. Does your quest determine the ending or alter it at all? Because the queen said no when I arrived for the 4th ending. Perhaps it's because I said my name during that playthough?

[2/3]

[Spoilers!]

The title instantly reminded me of the words of caution that if you eat a faerie's food, you'll become a faerie's slave.

The presentation was quite nice. The frame is very cute and well done, the background compliments the frame nicely, and the text is big enough that it fits in the frame quite naturally.

Now, here are some thoughts I had while playing.

After stepping into the faerie ring, the choices are quite obvious at first. The first few boil down to "Stay in the faerie world, which was warned about in the beginning, or don't". It's obvious the latter is the "correct" choice. Thankfully, this trend starts to fade after your name is asked for. though that choice also boils down to "give the fae an advantage, or don't".

The "hidden exit" puzzle was quite clever. It didn't take long to solve, but it was nicely done.

The game becomes unplayable at the screen that starts with "You dream about the past the future. You are holding your child. A baby, just born They are asleep. You smile down at them. You smooth their tuft of red hair.", because there's nothing to click on for the story to continue. I think whatever is need to continue the story is off screen, which is probably why it can't be clicked on. A shame, because the story is quite interesting, and I really like the character customization. The pacing is a bit slow, though, but better for it to be a bit slow than too fast.

This was...lacking. I wish some backstory on the void or the character i'm playing as was at the beginning, instead of the game throwing the void at you with no buildup. I thought this would be because the backstory and detail would be revealed in the void, but that's not what happened. The game becomes "do this or do that", which is fine-- if done well. However, because the story didn't do much to get me interested, the story isn't very interesting, and this became a very lacking experience.

I did the WAG challenge too, by the way. My game is Literate, and you can give it a look at http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

I regret to inform you this is not a game. Games require some form of interactivity, and all you have here is a story and a picture. This isn't a game at all. I sincerely hope you're not trolling, because if you are, I don't quite see the point.

@Connor Thomas Cleary:

Wow, that text shadow idea is a great one! I did notice the lack of visibility, but I didn't get to correct it because I was trying to get the music playable in the browser all the way until the jam's deadline. Don't worry; the visibility issue wasn't intentional!

I don't write child characters very often, which may have contributed to why his voice was a bit lacking. I didn't mean to make him emotionally simplistic, but if that's how he came across, then that's how I must have written him, even if it wasn't intentional. Perhaps I'll observe some children, or think about how I behaved as a child, next time I write a younger character.

I'm glad you liked the music and background colors, and that you liked Literate overall. Thank you for your critique!

At the screen that starts with "The girl leads you into the house via the backyard sliding glass door.", the game becomes unplayable because there isn't anything to click on to continue the story. This is probably because the words to click on are beyond my screen, even in full screen, and it's impossible to scroll.

Overall, the story, though it seems interesting, is a bit too confusing, and the presentation doesn't help much.

Oh, and I see you tried to make it saving/loading impossible. Nice try, but I can save by pressing escape. Next time, when disabling save/load, delete the filepicker, save, and load screens, or all of the Save/Load section, from screens.rpy. Though I don't see a real reason to disable saving and loading; if anything, it just makes things more painful for the player.

I'm also did the WAG challenge, by the way. You can find my game, Literate, here: http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

[2/2]

[Spoilers!]

First of all, why do you only have a windows build? Renpy is perfectly capable of making Mac and Linux builds, so why aren't those available?

Secondly, I'm very confused by the story. I walked towards a wall of light, and a forest appeared, and then a baby was born? If I'm the baby, why am I trying to remember something at the beginning? And what was with the forest? If I'm the mother of the baby, it still doesn't make much sense. The constantly shifting tenses, from 2nd to 1st to 3rd at the end, don't help much either.

And then there's the presentation. Text flashing on the screen, and then moving in the textbox, and then flashing on the screen again, over and over again. It...wasn't very appealing. I got bored pretty quickly, and I enjoy visual novels; I've even made a few of my own.

[1/2]

I like the premise, of taking a basic concept and revisiting an expanded version of it. However, though the expanded concept is interesting in its own way, it's a bit short, and I feel like it was a bit lacking. Oh, and something about this reminded me of IF games(as in, with a parser).

Also, how did you do the music in the browser? I tried to get that to work for my game, Literate, but I couldn't...

(Yes, I did the WAG Challenge too! You can find my game, Literate, here: http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610)

This game started out as a decent game about a relationship(though I wish I could have seen that relationship develop over time, instead of skipping to the marriage), but the murder makes it a bit of a worse game, especially because it ends on "To be Continued". I definitely would care more about my lover's secrets-- if I knew something about them besides their name. The lover's lack of character development makes the game a bit weak. As I said, though, the game is ok overall.

I'm also in the WAG challenege-- you can find my game, Literate, here http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

[2/2]

[Spoilers!]

First of all, the "he/she/they" thing didn't work in many places: the lover, who I named James and was male was suddenly a girl in this sentence: "Well don't just stand there adoring me," she chides "get yourself ready." James is also referred to as "they" multiple times, when it's supposed to be "he", and "she" a few more times for a good measure.

I feel like "Explore the exciting parts of everyday life, before confronting something we all hope to avoid." isn't exactly a accurate description for this game. After all, the majority of us will likely never see a person murdered.

[1/2]

If the person I'm playing as wasn't in the story, it wouldn't have been much different, because Corin may as well be talking to himself. He could have thought about the transponder on his own, and personally, I think this could've been more interesting with just Corin thinking about the situation, and his past, and a solution to the situation. Maybe that could've made it playable on itchio, since there might've been less scrolling.

All and all, the prose did it's job, but the story felt like a bunch of exposition, and it was just ok.

Oh, I'm in the WAG jam too, by the way. My game is called Literate, and if you'd like to check it out, you can find it at http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

[2/2]

[Note: spoilers!]

You were right: the game is unplayable on itchio because of the inability to scroll on itchio.

However, I regret to say this isn't a very fun twine game. There's interactivity, yes, but it seems saying "yes" or "no" doesn't affect the game at all. If you say "yes" or "no" to whatever, the game changes for a line or two before going back to the story. There's nothing wrong with that, but I'm sorry to say this game isn't very interesting. It's basically a very long piece of exposition, where Corin thinks he's going to die, and then there's suddenly hope for him because...well, I'm not sure actually, because the solution is something I still don't fully understand.

[1/2]

On the 2nd screen(after clicking start), there's too much text on the screen, and even in full screen there's no way to click on anything to continue the game. In other words, your game is unplayable...

Small story issue: when the Djinn's game starts at the battlefield, there isn't a sense of a long time passing at all, and just saying "You've been at war longer than you can remember" doesn't cut it. Or has it been a long time? I honestly don't know, and that's a problem.

Other than that, the story is well done, and definitely different from other entries in a good way.

Oh, and I'm in the jam, too! My game is called Literate. Check it out? http://itch.io/jam/wag-challenge/rate/29610

[2/2]

[Note: Mild spoilers!]

The story is very interesting, with some nice writing, though I don't think the variables were done properly. I had Tyg tell me my memories, which implied the main character is male. Later, the Djinn referred to me as female("Ms.", "my girl"). I think there might have been a mistake with the variables.

Also, I said "I tend to avoid it" for the cursing choice, but there was cursing anyway. Was that a mistake, or does that choice not matter? If it's the latter, then I'm disappointed, because the choice has no point, and because I really do try to avoid foul language.

[1/2]

The second problem with the pacing is with the characters themselves. Since there are only a couple scenes with each one, that means they fell in love over just a few interactions. I know this may be common in romance games, but it's still way to quickly for anyone to fall in love after talking with someone 4-5 times.

And finally, Callie being a book sprite is something I think should have been explained in the beginning, because it would have helped introduce the presence of fantasy/non-human characters in the game.

The other parts of the game are fine. The writing is nice(though I think I saw a few errors here and there), and the illustrations really add to the game as a whole,

[2/2]

[Mild spoilers ahead!]

This was quite cute, and the pictures really added to the game. However, there are a few issues.

The first one is the pacing, and I mean this in more ways than 1. First of all, everything happening over the course of 1 day is extremely unbelievable. I would kind of understand if Callie read a book every day, and everything took place in a few day's time, maybe more than a week, though that would still be a bit too quick. However, Callie and someone else falling in love in just 1 day is definitely a bit of a stretch.

[1/2]

@Kara Jayne

Thanks for your compliment on the story; I'm glad you like it! Yes, it is a bit short-- I didn't want to make the story too long, since it's a jam game. I hope it wasn't too short!

@JupiterHadley

Ooooh! I'll be checking out that video shortly!

(In case you're wondering who I am, I collaborated with Hazel on this game. I did the backgrounds, music, and story; she did the sprite art(not implemented yet), UI, and coding)

Ok, the save bug is fixed, along with a couple of other fixes, and version 0.6 is up!

Hey! I'm trying to play your game, with me vs AI opponents, but when I try to do so, the AI opponents never show up on screen, and by using my weapon once, I win every round. Huh?

Also, how did you make it so all of you submitted 1 game? Since I worked on this jam with a partner, I assumed that only 1 person would be able to submit, leaving me out. So, how do multiple people submit 1 game?

@JohansenIndustries

There's a bit of a bug with the game right now-- the "saves" folder usually included with Ren'py games isn't in the build for some reason. Make an empty folder called "saves" (don't include the quotes), put it in the folder called "game" and you'll be able to play, but note you won't be able to save.

If your problem lies in opening the application, extract the game to a new location, put in the "saves" folder as mentioned above, and you should be good to go.

You should already know that I like your game. :)


I tweeted my guess a bit ago, but I thought I'd say it here: I think HCF means Hurting Christ's Followers, since you talked about apostasy.

Very good. Very, very good. The pacing was very well done, and I felt invested in the story. "I'm better" was repeated a bit too often, but that wasn't much of an issue. Definitely one of my favorite games of Twiny Jam so far.


(I also did a game for Twiny Jam, called Bald Eagle. I'd appreciate if you could check it out. ^^)