~ With respect to your "Tell us everything" post on Twitter ~
The demo is lovely and promising on all aspects (story, music, art...).
I truly liked the first part of the story. So much that I wish the demo were longer. It is engaging and it does not take too much time to actually embody Rave and to see the world through his eyes and/or senses.
I liked everything in the demo equally. The slow-paced introduction mirrors in my opinion the journey of Rave : the journey of a farm boy gradually leaving his own world to enter a world he truly is ignorant of. Besides, that slowness helps immerge ourselves in the story. The more quick-paced days at school were really good as well.
I had some issues at first with Rave, but I will explain why afterwards. After playing the demo, I find Rave true, relatable, down to earth. May I say "simple-minded"at times in a very affectionate and loving way? I really like him. He could be a character from a very good novel.
So now, why did I first have some issues with Rave? Let me say at that stage that it was rather minor ; it did not prevent me from enjoying the demo. That being said, there are actually two cumulative reasons with regard to the French version of the demo. I do not know if they apply for the English one. On the one hand, there is a discordance between how Rave talks (dialogues) and how he thinks (narrative sections). In a nutshell, Rave talks as a farm boy sometimes trying to speak better to suit the place. That definitely works for me. But he (sometimes) thinks as a very educated person (passé simple + termes plutôt relevés par-ci, par-là...), and we have to get accustomed to the contrast. Overall, I think, as a French, that the contrast is a very nice idea (because of the very nature of "la langue de Molière"), but the contrast may need to be a bit more consistent.
D'autre part, toujours concernant la version française de la démo, la lecture était parfois compliquée. Au demeurant, surtout dans l'introduction, car les phrases étaient trop longues et/ou trop pauvres en virgules. Par principe, une phrase ne doit pas dépasser les 20-30 mots ; la virgule sépare bien volontiers les compléments accessoires (temps, moyens, adjectifs supplémentaires...) de la phrase principale (sujet + verbe + COD/COI). Petite note également, car la faute était plutôt récurrente : notre/votre ; le nôtre/le vôtre. Ex. C'est notre continent / C'est le nôtre.
Bien entendu, je ne fais pas ces remarques dans un sens destructeur, mais purement constructif et mélioratif, et ce, d'autant plus que je trouve votre plume rafraîchissante et vos personnages bien écrits.
With all of that being said, I sincerely do thank you for this demo and I am looking forward to your Kickstarter ;)