They said I was crazy. They called me a madman. For years, I have evaded the temptation of the Apples and Androids of the world to try and live a simple, quaint life with my Nokia 3310. The road was far from easy. I have watched as people have shoved their candy crush's and angry birds in my face. My days became consumed playing Snake in a desperate attempt to trick myself into thinking I too was experiencing peak gaming. I played so much so, my family left me. I was at rock bottom. Was my choice to stick it to the corporate hungry mainstream phones worth this despair? Well look at me now... Now I finally have a game I can brag about. The world is not ready for the hellfire I shall reign down upon it. You may have gotten custody of the kids Rachel but I have singlehandedly beaten all 18 levels! I am no longer a man. No, I am now a floaty boy.
BooBooBadger
Recent community posts
Who am I? They call me Tony Two Toes on account of my two toes. I was a made man, the best of the best til it all went south. I've been on the run ever since the Great Vienna sausage incident of '98, keeping a low profile to make sure no one can find me. No Cell Phone, no email, nothing! ...but then I found this game, this DAMNED GAME! The groovy jam of the item shop song, the smooth mechanics the artistically tasteful nipples. This game has it all so much so that I felt compelled to break my rule and created an email/itch.io account to write this review (this was my undoing). They've found me. I hear the sound of can openers outside my door and the smell of cheap processed wieners is starting to fill the air. My time is almost up. At least I get to go out playing the best game jam game there is to offer.
I heard that the developer is a real cutie but that is not the reason I love this game. The real reason I love this game is because 12 years ago on a Christmas just like this, I received coal from Santa for my "bad behavior". I swear I dont know how strip teaeses ended up on the search history of the family computer. Anyway ever since that day I have dreamed of preventing others from experiencing the misery of soot covered fingies that I was forced to. With this one game, all my dreams have finally come true. The Eco Friendly Age is coming Fat Man!