Skip to main content

Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
(1 edit) (+2)

I love how xou've transformed Tales of Onyx~! ^^_ I adore the new sprites, the new direction, the flashbacks, and the way that xou're approaching the story is really well thought out UwU leaving Charos's origins a mystery gives xou so many options from a writer's standpoint; I truly think this was a brilliant idea! :) I'm also really happy with how xou've incorporated sign language. The few instances xou use are done in such a seemless way that they feel natural with the overall dialogue, which is a huge success! n_n the revamp could do with a liiittle polishing, but overall, I think it's great! :D

Irma's such a funjoshi, I lovit! xD oh, and Duke? Mee-yow~ talk about muscled tsundere ^///^

If xou don't mind some feedback? I think it'd be beneficial for xou to suggest that a week passes during the time that Charos moves in with Rubio and when he gets hired. I personally feel the characters become far too familiar with each other over too short a period. Perhaps starting the 2econd day by saying something like: "A week has passed since I moved in with Rubio, and it's taken a lot of paperwork on his part, but he's finally arranged an opertunity for me to work at Amorigens Laboratory!". Not only will this extension of time allow their interactions to seem more natural, and also allow Charos time to wrap his head around the situation he's in, but it'll give Rubio the time he needs to finalise the plans he's setting in motion.

And another small note? The intro could use a little touch up, but just the instance where he wakes up in the alleyway. I know from the original story what's going on, but this rewrite felt a little empty without the original set up. If xou could focus a little more on his confusion, how he remembers he's Deaf and how weird it is to now be able to speak and hear, his memory loss, how 1ne of the only things he can recall is the prophecy, that kinda thing, I think it'll really pull it all together UwU

But overall, great work! :D It's amazing seeing how xou've transformed the story :) I can't wait to see where xou take this~

(+1)

You always have great constructive criticism, I will definitely take a note of these. Thank you so much! <3