You did. . Better than i did.
It might not do you alot of Good to tell you how my numbing pain.. i grew into it. Like large pants.
I grew to Handle it, even if i couldn't Understand all the hows& whys.
I started feeling Robotic after awhile. Then, abit more like a person. I did what i could to make the best of everything blowing up in my face. Back then.
& Of it all going cold& grey.
1day chem assists will not Do It for ya any more.
You will want deeper sensations. #Something will come along& shatter that emotional shell; & you'll Love it.
A Task. A pet. A friend. A new place or an old thing.
Life will start happening to you again. Instead of just glancing off your Walls. Life may even build up to something that you may realize, as i did. Was even worse.
That having survived the original ordeal. Even as a 'grey ghost'. You still Breath. Your heart beats. You may even SelfDestruct afew times. Let noone tell you 'you shouldn't'.
Expressing yourself is better than givingup & shutting down all over. No1 can Tell you how to achieve Balance with yourself again.
You might selfDest, shutdown & bounce back Stronger. BlowingUp, resting & burning brighter/better for it, is stellar evolution.
If you need to talk. & Rap it out. I cant guaranty Enlightenment, but ...
-james