"The SUS is capable of many things." Wow that does not sound threatening at all and definitely like a reason to come live with them. They probably only mean that they are capable of making my life less miserable.
This was really fun to play! You definitely nailed the creepy-commercial-beating-down-your-self-esteem vibes and the pretty flowers very much helped in making me tempted despite the sus-ness (I love flowers too much and it's a problem)