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Phew! Just finished the game, I was pleasantly surprised by its length. It took me over 6 hours for one playthrough, and it is really a feat to finish making a game that length for your first published VN. I did think there were a few plotholes-- (spoiler alert) why didn't the queen tell Damien about Nova's plans? Damien, with more authority, may have been able to do something. She knew that Damien and a lot of people would die if Nova succeeded, and she could have at least tried to avoid it. I was also confused at the king's reason for not wanting Alex to be a soldier. I thought it was that he wanted to keep her safe, but he gave her a faulty sword and it seemed as if he wanted her dead and out of the way, instead of alive.

I take AP gov, so I was a little ticked off at Alex becoming the ruler despite her lack of experience or tutoring in politics, and was pretty sure that she would be terrible at the job. Queen's Crown executes politics in its story very well, you should look at that.

Overall, the writing surprised me a little; admittedly I was unsure before I tried the demo (in which case I decided the writing was good). I cried a few times; I have a soft spot for stories that make me do that. I actually felt for Alex. I wish she shared some more of her own backstory with Aiden; he never found out the details of her mother even though we know it, and they never really sat down for a deep conversation where they exchange deep and personal memories.

The elephant in the room: Had the art been better, the game would have gotten more attention. While it's true that you shouldn't rely on art to make characters likable, at the same time it's impossible to rely purely on writing in a medium that relies so much on visuals as you can't catch the characters' aura or expressions in a lovable and amiable way. And it's the truth that art is a huge aspect in the experience of a VN. It just makes me a little frustrated that the full potential of the game wasn't reached. I've ignored a lot of games with bad art without even giving them a chance, and played games with terrible writing just because it had good art.

I've followed you. :D I'm excited to see what you'll make next-- I'm confident that you will improve over time, especially if you find a team of people that you really want to work with.


Some spoilers ahead

First of all, thank you very much for taking the time to write an in depth critique! I want to avoid spoilers so, I don't want to go too in depth into the reasoning behind everything, but I do want to try to clarify some stuff. When it comes to the sword, I was trying to show that as Focar doing things that would shake her confidence, and make her rethink being a soldier. Also that Aiden was overreacting a bit as Dion mentions, but I can definitely see how that can be contradictory. I understand your viewpoint about Aiden's family as well and while I have my reasons why I wrote it that way and may have hinted at it, if I had the chance, I'd like to have fleshed out some of the characters more.

When it comes to Alex possibly becoming the leader, a lot of it is because of her accomplishments and stepping up right at the time, leading people to associate her with ending the war, who she's the relative of, and also having very good, smart people around her (Helen, Dion, Aiden, and the other elders). I also tried to protray her as someone willing to learn although she may complain about it. I have played Queen's Crown and it was amazing. I just personally chose to go less of a political, detailed route when I was writing.

end spoilers

As for the art, this was also just a matter of time for me. I have been working on the game for three years and my art has changed and improved drastically during this time (the last CG is probably closest to what my art is like now, but I'm still practicing to get better every day). There were CGs and sprites that I had to go back and redo a number of times because the art was just unacceptable to me. However, it got to the point where I was just constantly redoing and improving that it was a never ending process. So I decided to stick with the art the way it is so I would be able to finish the game instead of perfecting everything. In the future, I hope my next game's art will be a lot better.

Once again, thank you for purchasing my game and giving it a try. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, it does help me to really improve and know where I need work.

Thanks for clarifying! I would never have the dedication to work on a project for three years tbh. XD That's awesome.

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"""I take AP Gov in high school (and it hasn't even been one whole semester of the class yet!) so I think I know everything there is to know about politics. College classes? Political science degree? Who needs those, I take an advanced high school class and know everything. AMERICAN-style government definitely applies to all sorts of government in the world, even in this game. Taking AP Gov automatically means that I can't suspend my belief of reality to just relax and play a GAME. Games definitely HAVE to be realistic.

BTW, your art is bad. I don't care that you spent a lot of time working on it and that art isn't easy, and I don't care that I might be making you feel insecure about yourself and your artistic abilities. I'm gonna be rude as HELL anyways. Fix it.""" -Melocule


You don't need a political science degree to recognize an underdeveloped leader. It's not just American government systems that need experience for their roles, every government does.

I didn't say her art was bad, only that it could be better which is true for anything. I won't go easy on myself for my art, I'm not going to go the easiest on others. I'm pretty sure I would know that art isn't easy, thank you very much.

You might use games to relax and don't care about realism, but there is no one way of playing a game and it's tyranny to try and control how others play them. I personally read visual novels like books, searching for social criticism and whatnot. There is no definition for how you have to play a game, and just because I criticize it afterwards doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it or relax.

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You based your knowledge on your HIGHSCHOOL AMERICAN government class, as if that meant you held all the information to all government. Also, there are PLENTY of forms of government with underdeveloped leaders. You don't know as much as you think about politics at all, so you might want to get over yourself a bit. Please do us all a favor and stay in school a bit longer. Also, honestly, SERIOUSLY, how would you feel if someone told you to "get better" at your art, and without you even ASKING for their opinion? Maybe this is better for them; that's why it's called ART. You might as well have said it was bad, it was extremely inconsiderate.

But you know what, I'm not gonna argue with you anymore; obviously there's a stick somewhere up in that rear of yours that can't be moved. If you want to take serious meaning out of a game genre thats mainly meant for romance then that's your own problem. (By the way, the definition of a game is, "a form of play" or "an activity engaged for amusement," so again: not meant to be taken serious even if you decide to do so.) You were very rude, and if you can't see that and want to make excuses then that's on you. But maybe you should keep that in mind for the future, because not everyone will appreciate your rude 'criticism' and overall dryness. (To be blunt, no one likes a buzzkill/stick in the *ss.)

I hope you learn to lighten up a bit. I won't be responding again, as I see it's a waste of time with you. Regardless, have a good day. :)



Game: "a complete episode or period of play, typically ending in a definite result."

Not all games are for fun, and for proof you can look at VNs such as Cupid. "Fun" does not mean free from criticism, either, although for some reason you think that anyone who criticized a game just took it too seriously or didn't have fun.

There are plenty of forms that have underdeveloped leaders, but that doesn't mean the leaders are good at what they do. Alex assigned her best friend to a high governmental position, creating a kind of oligarchy which I PERSONALLY (again, PERSONALLY) didn't like. This wasn't based on what I learned in AP Gov (I honestly didn't even learn much from that class yet), just what I noticed and felt as I played.

Did I say I was going to drop out of school?

"not meant to be taken serious even if you decide to do so"

You have a stick up your rear as well. Games can be just as serious as any other medium, and you don't personally get to define what game makers mean for their players to feel. Like I said, YOU personally don't get to decide how people have to feel when they play games. Need an example of a game "meant" to be taken seriously? Talos Principle is serious. They literally hired philosophers to work on it. You decided by yourself that all games were made for fun and not meant to be taken seriously, but that's not the case. A lot of game makers take their medium seriously, and you just pulled the middle finger on them.