*Comfy* tunes! The art style works with the theme, but the writing could do with a bit of work. Not a vignette, all things considered. The angle of depression mixed with surrealism bodes well for future works. Like if Salad Fingers wasn't unbearably cringe. All in all, an intriguing first attempt at game design which was worth the play through.
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Thanks for playing it I'm glad you enjoyed it. Is there anything specific about the writing you think I should improve, I'm already going more into the characterization of certain characters for the sequel, but it would be very helpful to know what needs to be improved so I can make it as good as I can.
It's more a general writing style to be honest, so that makes it a touch tricky to pin down. Whilst I'm a pedant who finds "that that" redundant for example, it can be tough to discern whether certain repetitions are a stylistic choice or a lack of creativity. Whilst it could be argued that the style emphasises the infantile nature of the protagonist, it does make the whole experience come off as somewhat like reading a children's book. I'm not meaning to sound scathing in my mentioning of this, but I'd be remiss not to mention how much it affects the tone. It's your piece though, so it's your angle. I might merely be averse to the style itself, and that's fine.
The repetition of certain phrases was a stylistic decision to better emphasize the kind of fever dream state of the thing. And your children's book comment is actually a complement in my eyes. I was attempting to create a feeling like you're a kid who woke up in the middle of the night with a fever dream and turned on the TV or opened a book and saw something absurd. Something that they aren't sure is weird because of their fever dream state or is genuinely actually weird. Or both. Thanks for playing and giving this criticism though it helps out a lot.