Uhhh yup. Tried again and I actually waited for a full three minutes without generating any further input while it was loading just now. Nothing went wrong when I was extracting the files or anything. I'm running the latest release of DX 11 by default, and it doesn't look like I can run the DX 9 file attached to the game.
I'm not a programmer by any means, so forgive me if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense at all. I've also tried running the 32 bit version with the same issue.