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This may sound weird, but the language use in this game is so... Japanese-y. As if it were translated from Japanese, as opposed to originally written in English. Or perhaps just written by someone who plays a lot of JRPGs but never reads regular English novels? Was it a deliberate choice to evoke a sort of cheesy otome game aesthetic, or was it subconscious? It adds to the effect, don't get me wrong, but it would sound ragingly unnatural as English dialogue.

As a professional manga translator, this game is giving me so many confusing feelings. I'm not sure I want this style of writing to be a thing. But maybe it should be a thing. Is this what weeaboos want, now? I don't know. I don't know how to feel about this.

Either you're a deep-level weeaboo, a Japanese person who immigrated to an English-speaking country around middle school and is now bilingual, or a genius-level writer who did it all deliberately and consciously. I just totally have no idea which.

I agree, I have some awkward lines in there. My language skills are probably deteriorating from my lack of social contact after holing myself up to make stuff like this. I think I'm at the self-aware weeaboo phase of my life, but obviously not self aware to not let it slip up in my writing. Thanks for feedback; I'll try to improve!