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Despair By Design - OST Composing Jam #7's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Creativity | #60 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| Impression | #93 | 3.855 | 3.855 |
| Quality | #99 | 3.968 | 3.968 |
| Overall | #127 | 3.777 | 3.777 |
| Composition | #241 | 3.565 | 3.565 |
| Correlation to theme | #295 | 3.500 | 3.500 |
Ranked from 62 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Description
I rambled about all this A LOT on the project page x3 So if you want the super long/detailed version for some reason, feel free to read all of that, but you might wanna grab a coffee or something first, haha.
I'll attempt to summarise, but I'm not great at being concise >.<
[Genre] (if I'm completely honest, I never truly know what genre any of my music is... help!)
Possibly atmospheric/ambient trap? Downtempo? I don't know T_T
[Game Genre]
Narrative-Driven Horror/Psychological Horror with a story themed around a cult - OR - Narrative-Driven Rhythm Game
Sorry that I don't have a deeper concept >.< I discovered the jam right as it was drawing to a close, so I didn't really have time to come up with something concrete. I had to make do with making something on impulse that fit the theme.
[What does the track represent in the game]
{For the vocal version}
An ending theme for something similar to the stuff Supermassive make (Dark Pictures Anthology, Until Dawn, etc.)
{For the off-vocal version}
Possibly something more post-apocalyptic with zombies or monsters :D I don't think it would be overly suitable as a BGM for active gameplay unless it featured in something quirky like Alan Wake, haha. It would more likely be used in a cinematic cutscene or some moment that sets the scene I think.
{For both}
If in a rhythm game setting, I feel like either could make for a mid-game sort of emotional boss fight or pre-boss scenario with the right beatmap!
[How did you compose the track/what DAW did you use]
I used a mixture of FL Studio & Audacity.
I've used the free version of FLS for years to make voice effects to apply to the voice acting of certain characters in some of my games, but it was only very recently that I made the plunge and purchased the full version of FLS.
A majority of the soundtracks I've been making for my projects have been created with Audacity just because it's what I was comfortable with. There's still a hell of a lot about FLS which I'm utterly clueless about, but I'm trying my best to be less reliant on Audacity when I'm attempting to make music.
The track consists largely of loops/samples that I own and have edited in various ways for the purposes of creating the track. Some of the samples are completely original and created by me.
The vocals/lyrics are original and written/recorded by me.
(although, I am beginning to have serious regrets about publishing a track featuring my own vocals, even if it's not really singing xD)
Message from the artist
I can't believe I only just discovered this jam! It sucks that I didn't know it existed until now, as it's very much my cup of tea :3 It's also a shame that I didn't see it was running until right near the end, as I would have loved to make multiple tracks for this jam, but there just wasn't time :( I can only apologise that both the idea for the track and the track itself aren't all that fleshed out as a result.
The tragic thing is, I finished an underwater-themed track for O2A2 VN Jam which actually overlapped with this one xD What I made for that would have been a better fit than what I submitted here :( But I figured it wouldn't be allowed to submit that one even though the jams overlapped. If you'd like to hear something more along the lines of what I would have submitted if possible though, you can find it here, haha.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo4Qls7zRsc&si=kmxaxbY6w1ZcLJw7
I've never had any education or training in music (or game dev, for that matter), but like everything else in life, I decided to give it a go one day, and have become quite obsessed, haha.
I would have loved to study music at school, but the school/s I went to were too poor to even hire a music teacher, so yeah >.< And you couldn't study it at college without qualifications from school! Thanks to my autism & extreme social anxiety, I don't do great in educational settings anyhow.
It just sucks that people like me seem to get shoved to the very fringes of society for being different :( I feel like I've had to try and teach myself everything because I don't fit in well enough to learn like most folks do. It's kind of a lonely place to be, haha.
Even though I'm likely committing several technical sins every time I make a new piece of music, the joy I get from every track I make is immense. I would go as far as to say it's become my favourite aspect of game dev!
I love that working on visual novel projects gives me an excuse to keep creating more music, but someday, I'd really love to be able to soundtrack other people's projects rather than just my own :3
Thank you to everyone involved! It's so inspiring to see everyone making such amazing music!!
Theme
How does it fit the theme?
This one is extemely difficult to summarise as it's quite personal, especially the vocal version. Again, if you really want to read all of my rambling, it's on the project page x3
In regards to the image theme, I wanted to make the track feel as though you are submerged somehow, almost suffocating. To aid in giving it an underwater feel, I used several samples that sound somewhat like whale song.
With the text theme being "Inside my world", I wanted to attempt to actually bring listeners into the darker places my mind often goes to thanks to my anxiety & depression.
The vocal version features lyrics relating to my past experiences of being naive, and being taken advantage of by people I thought I could trust as a result of that naivety.
It's supposed to emulate the feeling of drowning in someone or something that you initially viewed as a blessing, only to later discover it was a curse all along. Which is why game-wise, I thought it would be suitable as an ending theme for a psychological horror narrative heavily themed around a cult.
Link(s) of the submission on streaming services
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmN3maR28k-UZfNGJDsOLLzuVFYEw_Fmd
https://soundcloud.com/melancholy-marionette/sets/despair-by-design-for-ost?si=53609e7cf22440c49ea1758cb6d77ccf&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
Number of tracks2
Genre
Soundtrack use permission
Any non-commercial project
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Comments
I loved the dark and melancholic vibe you achieved! Beautiful. And the minute 1:27 was perfect!
Thanks so much for giving it a listen! I’m so glad you liked it :3 I wish I could make something more like what you did for this jam, haha. Your OST is still on my mind!
I really appreciate your words. Thank you!
I want to thank you first...
Your "ramblings" as you say have resonated a ton with me, and your music even more.
What an amazing track and your vocal work in here is out of this world...
I'm incredibly impressed, humbled, and astonished by the quality. Following you, subscribed, I definitely want to see and hear more from you in the future.
Really happy you got to do something more personal for this jam, and of course you fully respected the theme with such a delicate and bare "naked" take into your inner world. Thank you, again!
You’re too kind!! x3 I didn’t really think anyone would read my ramblings cos I know I can get extremely longwinded, haha.
It means a lot that you took the time to listen & that you ended up liking the track!
I’ve been absolutely blown away so far by the submissions I’ve managed to listen to :3 It’s all extremely inspiring. At the same time, I also feel kinda bad that I went with such a self-indulgent approach considering others have come up with fully fleshed-out game concepts >.< But with the little time I had after discovering the jam so late, it was kind of this or nothing, haha.
A part of me wondered if perhaps it would have been better to sit it out and just wait until the next one so that I could dedicate more time to it because I started to worry that maybe my rushed approach was somewhat disrespectful. Reading what you wrote makes me feel like it’s more acceptable though :3
Heck, the community in general has been so incredibly supportive & inclusive that I could cry! I mean, I’ve been part of game jams before with amazing communities, but this is my first one that’s specifically for music, and there’s something about the people here that just seems extra special!
I generally don’t allow myself to work on stuff outside of my game projects because it feels like it would be sort of a waste of time if I can’t use a track in something, like I’m not being productive >.< Deep down though, I do kinda wish I could spend more time just working on all sorts of music, haha.
The only other time I’ve ever allowed myself to make a piece that’s more on the personal side was the opening theme for a jam game I made last year, but that felt excusable because the entire game was pretty personal & I used it as a way to work through how I was feeling at the time!
It didn’t seem as self-indulgent as this because I could at least say it also mirrored the protagonists’s feelings, not just mine, haha. If you’re ever interested in giving it a listen, it’s this one here (https://youtu.be/DscyNspDNmc) It was cathartic at the time, but now I can’t even listen to or look at that project because it instantly brings me back to how I was feeling at the time, and I want to run as far away from that as I can >.<
Anyways, I’m rambling again, sorry x3 Thank YOU for all your kind words :3
Also, I just had a chance to listen to your track, but I will go gush about that on your submission page, haha.
Please do ramble as much as you feel like, I'm invested at this point ahaha
I'm incredibly happy you took the leap, the work you've provided like i said really touched me personally.
The community has been insanely supportive, I actually would have never expected to find this much talent and support in one place.
i definitely would love to hear more from you even outside games but I understand that we definitely also have limited time and willpower.
I also listened to your link on Youtube, is it you singing? Also the whole song superb again, really liked it and of course resonated with me again.
I don't think you should be so harsh on yourself (easier said then done!), you might feel as if what you were writing was self-indulgent, now and even previously, but I assure you a lot of people can relate and find solace in having your "voice" to go through all these feelings we have. I understand that it's also hard for yourself to listen to past things because they evoke feelings you might not want to process again, in that sense i really feel like your music has that therapeutic quality, not just for yourself again but for others too.
I will follow closely your next endeavor for sure!
Haha, that is the sort of sentence most people would end up regretting xD
It means a lot that it was able to do that though :3
I know, right!! This place feels like music heaven, hehe. The spirit usually seems good in a lot of the game jams I’ve taken part in, but this is something else! It feels like a really safe space to create & share without fear of ridicule or bullying, and everyone’s amazing takes on music has just filled me with so much inspiration and hope :D
Ah, thanks for taking the time to check out that other track too! I wish it was my singing >.< the voice is pretty, but sadly, it was just something I edited from a sample pack of vocals. I don’t think my singing voice is really good enough to use on anything cos I sound pretty flat, haha. The track I made for this jam was the first time I’ve released anything that uses my own vocals.
(besides a trailer version of a main theme I made for an old jam game, but I never released the track itself cos it’s too embarrassing!!)
You’re very kind for saying all that :3 Listening to music has always meant a lot to me because it helps me to process my emotions, and, depending on my mood and stuff, the right music can go a long way towards making me feel a fraction better in the moment :D I never really imagined anything I might make could have that same sort of impact on others though, so it really means the world that it’s resonated with you.
I will try my best to be less hard on myself, but as you say, it’s definitely easier said than done, haha. Thank you again for everything :3
No regrets!
And thank you 😊
aaaa that bass, really enjoyed that, some Kevin penkin vibe ^^And when the vocals goes in really great
working fine ;)
I can feel the despair lol
Well, thank you for officially making my day! Never in a million years would I have expected Kevin Penkin to get mentioned in relation to anything I did, no matter how small, haha, but it made me smile because he's responsible for my number 1 favourite track in Deemo x3
I just wish I could have made something more magical and filled with hope rather than something so self-indulgent and despairing xD I will have to keep an eye out for future versions of the jam now that I know it exists! That way, I might be able to catch it at a time when I have more time to dedicate to it :3
Cheers for giving it a listen! :D
Great work! I love what you did with the bass; it made me feel like I'm underwater, haha. However, I can't quite imagine it for a video game, but maybe that's just my opinion. I still think it's awesome!
Thanks for giving it a listen & taking the time to leave feedback! It's much appreciated & I'm glad you liked it :3
Tbh, quite a lot of the music I make for my visual novel projects is non-typical for the type of game, haha. I don't think I would personally use either of these in a VN specifically because they feel a bit too heavy for that type of game.
I view the vocal version as more an ending theme/credits track sorta thing for a cult-themed psychological horror game rather than an actual BGM that would feature during gameplay. It was partially inspired by some of my favourite narrative-driven games that lean more into the cinematic side of things.
I also kinda have a thing for creating instrumental versions of main themes for title screens that then later reveal a vocal version after completing the game, so that's the sort of thing I would do with this if I weren't using it as an ending theme. Like a kinda last unlockable surprise!
Though, typically, I would link it to other tracks in a full OST. Sadly, there wasn't time for me to do anything like that with this since I discovered the jam so late & was too busy drowning in neglected life admin (as a result of participating in 2 other jams back to back) to spend much time on it, haha.
Love the direction you went with for this jam, very unique. Love how you used the reese bass + trap influences, while still keeping a very eerie tone. The violin + lyrics also added a lot to the mix, you used them well!
Very smooth listen, great job.
Thanks so much for listening + for leaving such a sweet comment :3
I would like to have done more (or something entirely different) if I had more time, but since I was limited, I figured I'd go for an opening/ending theme type of track because I felt like if I just made a random BGM, it might not paint much of a picture on its own & I would be too disappointed at not having the time to use leitmotifs >.<
Making opening/ending themes for my own projects is one of the parts of making a full OST that I enjoy the most, but since I only make visual novels, it often feels like I need to keep them sort of low-key so as not to be completely out of place, haha. I wanted to use the opportunity of this jam to try making something that had a bit more oomph to it!
This title feel deeply personnal (the vocal version) so I feel like my opinion is pretty unsignificant, but since it's part of the JAM :
Loved it ! You managed to get an underwatery vibe without using the more obvious soundesign we usually find to inspire water. The track is incredibly well made and just a great music overall. If I had a complain to make, I'd say it may be a little too "standalone" for a game, but I feel like an assh*le making this comment on such a great piece of art.
You don't need to feel like that at all x3 You're entitled to your opinion and it's totally valid! I also don't think it would work in a vast majority of games, haha. That's why I view it as an ending theme rather than a BGM that would play during active gameplay.
If I had more time and had known about the jam sooner, I would definitely have tried to make a full OST instead, but since I was so short on time, I figured, if I'm only gonna make what is essentially 1 track, it needs to be either an opening or an ending theme, haha.
One of the things I like to do in my visual novel game projects is have an instrumental version of the main theme play on the title screen, and then once the game has been completed, switch to using the vocal version instead, so that's another way I would use it if I were putting into one of my own projects. Though, I still see it as more of an ending theme than a main theme!
Anyways, I'm just happy that you took the time to listen to it + thought it sounded decent :3 So please don't feel like an assh*le in the slightest cos it's all good! :D
This was a very competent submission! I loved the composition and the Trap/Synthwave feel of this track. From what I've seen vocals are a bit rare in this jam, but you used them so well in this track. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for checking it out & for the kind comment!!
Tbh, if I had discovered the jam sooner, I probably would have done something very different, haha. Because I would really have loved to do what others have done and come up with an entire game concept with matching OST! But I just found out about the jam too late to do something like that >.<
I figured if I was going to attempt to create something in the time I had left, it would have to be something like an opening/ending theme instead, and it was easier to focus inward for the jam theme on my state of mind for inspiration. I don’t really like being that self-indulgent cos it makes me feel kinda gross xD but it was cathartic at least, haha.
I’m glad you think the vocals were used well though because I still feel embarrassed that I did that in the first place!
Your cover is beautiful, btw! I haven’t had a chance to listen to the OST yet, but I’m gonna be trying my best to listen to as many submissions as possible because it’s all really inspiring to see so many people making awesome soundtracks :3
This is sick, really love that bass tickling my brain!
Hehe, gotta love some bass-based brain tickling x3 Thanks so much for giving it a listen!
Epic cover! It reminded me of Fatal Frame, so I was somewhat expecting that atmosphere. So far, I haven't listened to any jams with the trap hip hop sort of feel, so this definitely sticks out! I can imagine these tracks alongside an apocalyptic or even a cyberpunk-ish type of game!
Ah, man, I love Fatal Frame :D Though, I never could bring myself to actually finish any of the games in the series, haha. I think Crimson Butterfly was the first one I came across as a kid, and I tried to play it with my brother, but we were both too terrified to get past a certain part xD We should really try again now we’re older, haha.
Ooo, I never really thought of cyberpunk-ish as a fit, but now that you mention it, I guess it could work! My mind was too fixated on psychological horror and cults, haha.
First one I've seen this jam with vocal. Super polished. Good job
Thank you for giving it a listen & for the kind comment :3 I love the cover for yours! Will definitely be giving it a listen when I get a chance!!
Definitely one of the more unique entries out there, and a vocal one to boot! Compositionally it is put together really well - haunting at points, even. A rather cool experimentally driven track, I can see why this has a lot of comments. Production is on point. Good work!
That really means a lot :3 Thank you so much for listening & giving such kind feedback! I know it probably sounds pathetic, but I have very little confidence in anything I do >.< I might think to myself that I’m relatively happy with something I’ve made for a moment before all the negative self-talk starts and I just doubt everything all over again, haha.
I think maybe I get it so badly with my game dev and music stuff because I’m entirely self-taught and constantly feel like an impostor! But what’s likely more responsible is being unemployed for most of my life thanks to my ASD and poor mental health. Because where I live, society’s view of the unemployed = you are worthless.
That attitude has kinda embedded itself in me at this point and I don’t really know how I’m ever supposed to banish it >.<
Making music is one of those rare things that temporarily melts away my depression though :3 So even if I don’t really know wtf I’m doing and it’s all very trial & error, it’s worth it just for the joy it brings!
The concept of this jam is so cool. I hope I can try again next time with more time to spare so I can make a full OST & game concept. In the meantime, I hope to listen to as much as possible :D It’s really inspiring to see so many people making amazing music!
Far from pathetic, I think a lot of people are unfortunately in the same place. It can be difficult to take pride in something you've done when you alone are aware of all the different directions you could have taken with it. There's really no right answer as to whether one path or another would have led to a 'better' end product, but what matters is that you commit to your chosen direction and embellish its strengths along the way.
Keep up the great work and keep your chin held high - so far you've produced one of the more unique entries of the bunch, and that alone is worth being proud of. As you said - there's always the next jam - so until that time comes, ride the wave! Others appreciate your work for good reason. I hope you enjoy listening to the other entries, there are some other genuinely fantastic submissions. :)
That is very true! I also heard in an audiobook about art & poetry where the author struggles with poor mental health, that anyone who makes stuff should be proud because they did the hardest part by actually making the thing, haha. They said so many people talk about making stuff, or boast about how they could easily do X or Y, but then never actually go ahead and do it.
Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement, it really does mean a lot :3 I still haven’t had a chance to listen to more than a handful just yet, but so far, everything has blown me away :D
Well said, and apt at that. It's easy to talk about doing something, harder to actually do it. Big fan of doing it first then presenting it later - provides an opportunity to separate from the initial attachment and be a little more open to critique while also bolstering confidence by being able to say "Yeah, I finished that". Anyhow, great submission! I wish you the best in the competition and in general.
Love the deep rumbly synth bass and heavily saturated lead synth. The heavily reverbed vocals really add a lot to the track, and come in at just the right time.
Thanks so much for giving it a listen! And I’m relieved you think that about the vocals because I almost didn’t release the vocal version due to sheer embarrassment, haha.
I adore this: I can really feel your vision and the atmosphere. I am a huge fan of your combined use of synths and traditional instruments. The spoken word is beautiful too! Excellent stuff :))
I’m glad you like it! Thanks for listening :3 I do have a bit of a thing for using synths and traditional instruments :D There’s just something about the combo that makes my brain happy, haha. Now if only I could actually play a traditional instrument... totally not staring at the dusty old violin case in the corner T_T
That means a lot about the spoken word part too. I was so anxious about recording it that I had to wait until the house was empty, haha. I did not want family to overhear that >.< My brother would just take the absolute piss out of me!
I almost abandoned it because the dry vocals sound pretty awful, haha. I couldn’t for the life of me tell if I managed to salvage it with the FX I put on em, or if it was just too cringy still! In the end, I thought, screw it, just do it, but then I was terrified afterwards that it was really bad >.< It helps me feel less anxious about it reading your comment :3
Both the vocal version and the non-vocal version work perfectly!
The song is very, very sensual. Considering that the real emotions of the author are embedded in it, this makes this work even more beautiful!
I wish you good luck in your future work!
Thank you for giving them a listen :3 I’m glad you think they both work! I almost didn’t release the vocal one out of embarrassment, haha.
That’s interesting that you would describe it as sensual :o Thank you for the luck! I think I will need it x3 And the same to you too!
I haven’t had a chance to listen to anything from the jam yet because I was busy over most of the weekend, but I’m so excited to hear what everyone has created :D
Really atmospheric dark image! Great job!
Thank you for listening :3 Much appreciated! I’m really excited to hear yours with it being underwater ambient! I’ve been absorbed in that sort of mood for the past couple of weeks cos I was making a track along those lines for a game jam that started just before I found out about this OST composing one, and it was such a fun track to work on. I’m just sad I couldn’t submit it to this because I finished it just before this jam started, haha.
Thank you for listening mine as well!!
I literally just finished listening & I love it :D I will go post that on your page though, haha.
Quite original ! That sounds great, I love it. <3
I’m glad you think so :3 Thanks for giving it a listen!
Hello, Great music! Very atmospheric, I liked it a lot
Hey hey! Thank you so much :3 I’m super excited to start listening to what everyone has created! I just haven’t had a chance yet because life stuff T_T haha.
That cover art is SICK! so is this song, I love how dissonant and out of key sounding it is! (time to wait 15 mins to rate this)
Thank you :D Not that I can take full credit for the cover art because the original unedited image was drawn by my friend and game dev partner in crime, haha. I can’t draw to save my life T_T But I can edit the hell outta stuff like I did for the cover x3
And thanks so much for giving it a listen :3 I’m glad you like it!