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Despair By Design - OST Composing Jam #7's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Creativity | #60 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| Impression | #93 | 3.855 | 3.855 |
| Quality | #99 | 3.968 | 3.968 |
| Overall | #127 | 3.777 | 3.777 |
| Composition | #241 | 3.565 | 3.565 |
| Correlation to theme | #295 | 3.500 | 3.500 |
Ranked from 62 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Description
I rambled about all this A LOT on the project page x3 So if you want the super long/detailed version for some reason, feel free to read all of that, but you might wanna grab a coffee or something first, haha.
I'll attempt to summarise, but I'm not great at being concise >.<
[Genre] (if I'm completely honest, I never truly know what genre any of my music is... help!)
Possibly atmospheric/ambient trap? Downtempo? I don't know T_T
[Game Genre]
Narrative-Driven Horror/Psychological Horror with a story themed around a cult - OR - Narrative-Driven Rhythm Game
Sorry that I don't have a deeper concept >.< I discovered the jam right as it was drawing to a close, so I didn't really have time to come up with something concrete. I had to make do with making something on impulse that fit the theme.
[What does the track represent in the game]
{For the vocal version}
An ending theme for something similar to the stuff Supermassive make (Dark Pictures Anthology, Until Dawn, etc.)
{For the off-vocal version}
Possibly something more post-apocalyptic with zombies or monsters :D I don't think it would be overly suitable as a BGM for active gameplay unless it featured in something quirky like Alan Wake, haha. It would more likely be used in a cinematic cutscene or some moment that sets the scene I think.
{For both}
If in a rhythm game setting, I feel like either could make for a mid-game sort of emotional boss fight or pre-boss scenario with the right beatmap!
[How did you compose the track/what DAW did you use]
I used a mixture of FL Studio & Audacity.
I've used the free version of FLS for years to make voice effects to apply to the voice acting of certain characters in some of my games, but it was only very recently that I made the plunge and purchased the full version of FLS.
A majority of the soundtracks I've been making for my projects have been created with Audacity just because it's what I was comfortable with. There's still a hell of a lot about FLS which I'm utterly clueless about, but I'm trying my best to be less reliant on Audacity when I'm attempting to make music.
The track consists largely of loops/samples that I own and have edited in various ways for the purposes of creating the track. Some of the samples are completely original and created by me.
The vocals/lyrics are original and written/recorded by me.
(although, I am beginning to have serious regrets about publishing a track featuring my own vocals, even if it's not really singing xD)
Message from the artist
I can't believe I only just discovered this jam! It sucks that I didn't know it existed until now, as it's very much my cup of tea :3 It's also a shame that I didn't see it was running until right near the end, as I would have loved to make multiple tracks for this jam, but there just wasn't time :( I can only apologise that both the idea for the track and the track itself aren't all that fleshed out as a result.
The tragic thing is, I finished an underwater-themed track for O2A2 VN Jam which actually overlapped with this one xD What I made for that would have been a better fit than what I submitted here :( But I figured it wouldn't be allowed to submit that one even though the jams overlapped. If you'd like to hear something more along the lines of what I would have submitted if possible though, you can find it here, haha.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo4Qls7zRsc&si=kmxaxbY6w1ZcLJw7
I've never had any education or training in music (or game dev, for that matter), but like everything else in life, I decided to give it a go one day, and have become quite obsessed, haha.
I would have loved to study music at school, but the school/s I went to were too poor to even hire a music teacher, so yeah >.< And you couldn't study it at college without qualifications from school! Thanks to my autism & extreme social anxiety, I don't do great in educational settings anyhow.
It just sucks that people like me seem to get shoved to the very fringes of society for being different :( I feel like I've had to try and teach myself everything because I don't fit in well enough to learn like most folks do. It's kind of a lonely place to be, haha.
Even though I'm likely committing several technical sins every time I make a new piece of music, the joy I get from every track I make is immense. I would go as far as to say it's become my favourite aspect of game dev!
I love that working on visual novel projects gives me an excuse to keep creating more music, but someday, I'd really love to be able to soundtrack other people's projects rather than just my own :3
Thank you to everyone involved! It's so inspiring to see everyone making such amazing music!!
Theme
How does it fit the theme?
This one is extemely difficult to summarise as it's quite personal, especially the vocal version. Again, if you really want to read all of my rambling, it's on the project page x3
In regards to the image theme, I wanted to make the track feel as though you are submerged somehow, almost suffocating. To aid in giving it an underwater feel, I used several samples that sound somewhat like whale song.
With the text theme being "Inside my world", I wanted to attempt to actually bring listeners into the darker places my mind often goes to thanks to my anxiety & depression.
The vocal version features lyrics relating to my past experiences of being naive, and being taken advantage of by people I thought I could trust as a result of that naivety.
It's supposed to emulate the feeling of drowning in someone or something that you initially viewed as a blessing, only to later discover it was a curse all along. Which is why game-wise, I thought it would be suitable as an ending theme for a psychological horror narrative heavily themed around a cult.
Link(s) of the submission on streaming services
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmN3maR28k-UZfNGJDsOLLzuVFYEw_Fmd
https://soundcloud.com/melancholy-marionette/sets/despair-by-design-for-ost?si=53609e7cf22440c49ea1758cb6d77ccf&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
Number of tracks2
Genre
Soundtrack use permission
Any non-commercial project
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Comments
That synth bass is really fat in the best way. Super interesting track! very psychological
Cheers for checking it out! :3 I’m glad you thought it came off as psychological cos psychological horror is my favourite genre :D
Apologies that I only just managed to listen to yours! I was busy all weekend and a chunk of last week, so I didn’t get to listen to or rate anywhere near as many of the OSTs as I would have liked T_T I hoped to hear all, but my aim was at least 100. In reality, I think I only managed to rate about 60-70 something in the end :(
It makes me sad that I couldn’t rate yours because it’s EPIC! I see you were like me and also didn’t get much time to work on something for the jam x3 but what you did make in the time you had is gorgeous :D It would have made for an incredible boss fight-type track in Cytus!! I can just imagine the beat map for it on a harder difficulty and it’d be so damn fun ^-^
I wish I could play violin like you! T_T It was the one instrument I wanted to learn more than any other, so I saved up and bought one years ago to try and teach myself, but I didn’t get much further than wonky versions of London’s Burning & Twinkle Twinkle Little Star x3 I can’t afford lessons, and have no actual musical knowledge to go off of, so I gave up because it was too hard on my own >.< I don’t really learn well from videos and stuff. I feel like I actually need someone physically there to show me in a way I can process and tell me if I’m doing things wrong :(
Anyways, your music was absolutely fabulous!! :3
Hey no worries! 60-70 is still a great amount to have rated (I'm not even sure I got that much done haha). And thank you for the kind words! I haven't played cytus in a while but maybe ill check it out again to get some refresh and to understand your compliment more.
Also reading your comment about violin makes me more appreciative of the support I had for it growing up (parents supporting lessons and whatnot). I agree it can be tricky to learn, especially without support. I hope that one day you have a better chance to learn it and that you'll be able to play your favorite songs!
OH this would be really good for a credits theme of a Silent Hill type game. That bass synth was sooo good. Awesome job!
That makes me super happy to hear that you think so :D Thanks for giving it a listen! I really need to play more Silent Hill actually, haha. I’ve started a few, but never managed to finish them because even though horror films never make me jump, horror games always get me xD All it takes is some atmosphere and a creaky door, and I’m a useless puddle of sweat and nerves on the floor >.<
Oh god the bass... <3 I love the contribution of the voices in your music, it creates a beautiful haunting and hypnotic ambiance. Amazing all. =)
Thank you so much for listening to it :3 It means a lot that you would describe it as having a beautiful haunting and hypnotic ambience! It’s what I was aiming for, but I find it hard to know whether or not I’ve managed to pull off the vibes I was trying to create, haha.
I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to rate yours >.< I wasn’t able to be online over the weekend, so now I’ve missed the opportunity T_T
I listened to it just now though, and it’s so beautiful & full of emotion :3 The whole thing evokes warmth and nostalgia, a recollection of pure & precious memories! I also really adore your idea of combining the meaning of the words mother and sea in French, that is so, so clever :D Details like that just make my brain happy, haha.
That bass lead synth is gorgeous!! Great mix and the ambience you created is really nice!
I'm so glad you think so! That's awesome to hear :3 Really appreciate you taking the time to give it a listen!
I hope to have the opportunity to hear yours too :D I'd really like to be able to listen to everything from the jam tbh because it's all so inspiring, and I know I'm gonna feel like I'm missing out on some amazing music if I can't, but at the same time, it seems like an impossible task to hear everything T_T
I understant, I won't hear it all on time so I focus on the most karma and persons who listen to my submission! My listening goal is to listen to 1/3rd of the submissions, which I've nearly reached :D So much good submissions besides!
Great mix, production skills on point, very original, liked the vibe a lot , fantastic dynamics and motion. Well done !
Thanks so much for giving it a listen! I'm glad you think it came out decently :3 I'm so behind on listening to everyone's epic submissions myself T_T I've heard a fair few, but I wish I could hear them all!
Hopefully, I will get a chance to listen to yours at some point :3 Foxes are my favourite animals, so I'm already in love with your game idea & cover art :D (and I also have a thing for black/white / dark/light themes too, haha x3)
Wow, I think this is the first submission I've come across with lyrics and it's definitely a welcome suprise! I read through the project page and I'm amazed with how much thought and emotion was put into this track and its lyrics. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, but I think it's a big contributor as to why everyone really likes this submission. I could only imagine the kind of soundtrack you'd cook up if you had some more time, so I really hope to see your music in a future jam! Great work!
A part of me still wishes I had been aware of the jam earlier and had more time to work on something fuller rather than just one piece, but at the same time, I’m blown away by the feedback from this amazing community on what I managed to submit, so I feel like I have fewer regrets now :3
I don’t really even have the words to thank you and the other folks who have been kind enough to take the time to give the track a listen and leave such sweet and supportive comments! I feel like this jam community might be the greatest one in the world with how talented and uplifting everyone is :D
Still, thank you :3 It means a heck of a lot!
I haven’t had a chance to listen to yours yet, but from peeping at the page, I’m imagining it might give me some epic nostalgia when I do as the Game Boy was my first-ever console as a kid! I never had my own, but the hour or so a day that I was allowed to borrow my dad’s to play Pokemon Blue was heaven, haha. The cover art is adorable too btw!!
I can't put into words how much I LOVE the vocal version. It's just so emotionally powerful, coupled with an insanely solid production (dat reese bass hot dam) that made this legendary. Love how the entire track feels like a buildup to that last section and it's so satisfying when the tension is resolved with all the drums and instruments coming in. This was so good that I rushed to check out your previous works and immediately loved them.
I swear I’m not having a love affair with reese bass in general, haha. Seriously though, thank you so much for all your kind words and for taking the time to give the track a listen :3
It means a lot that you think the vocal version is decent! And even more so that you would describe it as satisfying to have that resolution of tension at the end. Cheers for checking out some of my other stuff too!! That really means a hell of a lot :3 I don’t have a great deal on Soundcloud because I’m just woefully behind on uploading things in general >.< YouTube has more, but still not everything.
But yeah, thank you for taking the time to listen and leave such lovely feedback! Everything I’ve heard so far from the jam has been fantastic :D I wish I could listen to everything but there’s never enough time in the world T_T I’ll be sure to give yours a listen when I get a chance though! Already loving the thumbnail!
this is truly a great OST. this is an incredibly personal track with a lot of emotion woven into it. as someone who has struggled with similar things as you, you've conveyed your message in such a unique and satisfying way. your soundtrack does a good job at framing these struggles and, really, that's all down to your instrumentation and chord progressions. the use of guitars and synths to create a feeling of doom and loss really solidifies this in your track, especially alongside your use of vocals. i can really feel the emotion in this track, and even further, i can RELATE to it.
great job. if i heard this in a game, i would for certain start balling my eyes out. i CANNOT wait to see more from you!!!!
I’m sorry that you’ve struggled with similar things because that sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone >.< At the same time, I’m also glad that you were able to relate to it in a sense having had those experiences :3 For you to say it’s conveyed in a unique and satisfying way really means a hell of a lot!
I’d be lying if I said I knew what I was doing in a technical sense >.< haha. For the most part, I’m pretty clueless when it comes to that side of things! It maybe sounds a bit weird but I have always felt like I can convey emotions better through music than words, whether that’s my own or those experienced by characters in a project I’m working on.
Heck, I can’t even write without music! It’s like my head is full of ideas with no way to get them out of my head and into a physical form, haha. Music is what helps me express the mess of jumbled-up thoughts and feelings in my head xD
I know I once read that people on the autistic spectrum sometimes view or feel things differently, like certain people tasting colours and stuff. So I guess maybe it falls somewhere under that umbrella of quirks. I do have ASD, after all, haha. Sometimes I go through short involuntary periods of mutism, and when that happens, music is literally the only way I can express myself.
I’m rambling again anyhow x3 As someone who is used to being shunned and always on the outside looking in, the warmth and support of this community have made it feel like getting a giant digital hug of acceptance, and that is worth more than words could ever express :3
Hearing that you can relate to something that was essentially me screaming in lamentation at past helplessness makes me feel a little bit less alone in the world!
So yeah, thank you for taking the time to listen and leave such a lovely comment :3
I thought this was an awesome OST - not only was it well written, but I also felt it really fits what you were going for with your description/themes of the game. Excellent work! :)
Thanks so much for giving it a listen! I’m really glad you felt it fit what I was going for :3 I don’t really know much about the technical side of making music, so everything I do is just based on feeling, haha. But with feelings being so subjective, I never really know how things might come across to other people, so it’s brilliant to hear the vibe was right :D
The vocal work was definitely the highlight of this submission. The lyrics, effects, performance, it was all *chef's kiss* excellent. I read your "ramblings", and I'm glad you were able to share something so personal with us random internet strangers, that's not easy! I enjoyed this piece!
My only real critique is that I got more of a "spooky evil cave" vibe than underwater from the sound design. Maybe take away a little bit of reverb and throw some low pass filters on some of your higher frequency sounds, especially in the beginning. Then you could take the filters away in the final moments of the piece where the drums come in at 2:52 and have a big swell of sound. Don't change a thing about the vocals tho :)
Thank you so much for sharing, great work!
Thank you so much! I’m really glad you thought the vocals worked well :3 I’m still kind of reeling from the support from this wonderful community in that regard because I really thought it was a mistake putting my vocals out there until people here started saying otherwise!
I can totally see how it could give off spooky evil cave vibes, haha. The underwater elements aren’t super heavy, unlike the track I made for O2A2 which was very water-heavy and would have been perfect for this jam, but I figured submission wasn’t allowed since the jams only just overlapped T_T haha. But yeah, I don't think the watery essence of this one came out as well as I would have liked them to >.<
Now you’ve got me wondering whether I did stick with low pass filters on certain elements or if I took them off in the end, haha. My memory is awful! I know I messed about a lot with that sort of thing! For whatever reason, the low pass didn’t seem to have much impact on some of the stuff I tried it on.
I know a bunch of it does have it on, but it’s probably quite subtle. I guess I could have experimented a bit more with it if I had more time >.< There are already several things I would change about it, haha. I could go back to it and mess around some more though :3
Definitely love the idea of taking all the filters away in the final moments of the piece as you say :3 I really struggled with getting any sort of balance in that section because there were parts I wanted to be heard more clearly than others, but I still feel like some of it sounds as though it’s fighting rather than gelling together nicely >.<
There is 1 thing I am desperate to change about the vocals actually. I think the ‘S’ sounds on the 2nd part are too harsh and it annoys me so much that I didn’t catch that in the first place. I think a different filter might have helped on that front for starters, but really I needed to catch that in the dry file and try to edit it so it’s not as noticeable, or re-record and try to get it to sound better… but that would be difficult when I don’t really have a great mic and know nothing about vocal technique for recording, haha.
Really appreciate you taking the time to give it a listen and leave feedback! :3
Wow thats a really dark and depressing atmosphera, great job with it, I definitely felt that underwater and whale vibe.
Really enjoyable experience!
I’m glad it all came out sounding that way :3 Although I do feel kinda bad because some of the music I’ve listened to in this jam is so incredibly uplifting, and then there’s just me serving up pain and depression >.< haha.
Thanks for checking it out :3
I love how spooky you managed to make it sound while still keeping the sort of trap feel.
Cheers :D Gotta have some spookiness all year round, hehe. I’m one of those people who wishes it was Halloween every day xD Thanks for giving it a listen!
Thanks I'm depressed now. It is a compliment. Felt it
xD Oh dear, haha. The funny thing is, listening to what I’ve been able to so far from this jam has actually really lifted my spirits :D I had some pretty heavy post-jam blues after spending a couple of months working on game jam stuff & having my PC die, but all this amazing music from so many incredible people is just massively inspiring :3
Thanks for giving this one a listen!
Really creepy and atmospheric! Also the first submission I've seen so far with vocals, so that was neat
I’m glad you think so :D Thanks for giving it a listen! I would have preferred to do something more like what you did and make multiple tracks, but there just wasn’t enough time T_T There's always the next one though!
Really cool unique take on this theme. The vocals are great, and the composition and production is so raw and emotional and I'm thankful you felt comfortable sharing something so personal to you! You should be very proud of this, this was a great submission!
I’m glad you think so :3 It’s definitely not what I would have done if I’d had more time, haha, but I had to make peace with that.
Honestly, I wasn’t all that comfortable sharing it at the time and had major regrets afterwards >.< The only reason I put it out there instead of scrapping it was cos I so badly wanted to participate in some capacity since it seemed like such a cool jam, and I knew I would regret it later if I didn’t do anything!
BUT… comments like yours and others from this community have really helped me be at peace with it :3 You guys have made me feel comfortable! So I can only give all my thanks to you for that.
It feels like there’s something very special about this jam and everyone in it. Not just the sheer talent on show with so many fantastic pieces of music, but the people themselves from what I’ve experienced so far have such a supportive and empowering spirit as a collective! It’s pretty awe-inspiring :3
I once read from someone’s book who was very shy as a child and always left out as a result, that one of the kindest things you can ever do for another person is to just include them. As someone who has spent most of her life shunned for being a bit weird and different, I can wholeheartedly agree with that statement. And here, you guys have made that sense of inclusion a reality, which is the greatest gift I could receive, and more than I ever could have anticipated when I decided to join the jam!
I mean, for example - your OST is sensational! I'm not even remotely on your level, haha. And yet your kind words make me feel as though that's okay! That I still belong here with everyone despite my inexperience and such. It really means a lot.
Thanks so much for that & for taking the time to listen :3
Love how emotional and personal this sounds. The vocal section was the icing of the cake, amazing job!
My brother would have been so mean about the track if he heard me recording the vocals (which is why I waited until the house was empty, haha) >.< But you and others in this wonderful community have been so nice that it almost makes me want to cry x3
My brain can barely comprehend the epic talent & supportiveness of this community! Thank you for taking the time to listen and leave such kind feedback :3
Marionette, your music caught me off guard...I'm absolutely captivated by the emotional depth of your music.
I love the aesthetic choices that you've made. I'm very happy to have discovered your music.To me is one of the most beautiful OST of the jam.
I would also like to thank you for sharing your most personal side in the submission. I feel completely identified with your story so it's very inspiring for me to read about you.
I will be following your future projects.
Bravo!!!
I don’t have the words to thank you for such a sweet comment x3 I really appreciate everything you said & thank you so much for listening!
You and everyone I’ve interacted with here in this jam have been so incredibly sweet and supportive, and even though I don’t have much confidence in myself, it feels like you guys are filling me with a sense of courage that I never had before to keep trying new things! :3
You’re all so talented! It just fills me with joy to have the opportunity to hear such an amazing variety of OSTs ^-^ I feel like I have somehow stumbled across a musical paradise :D
This is the most empowering & inspiring jam I have ever been a part of :3 I wish I could give you a great big hug as a thank you, haha.
Amazing submission! I really respect that you had the courage to do something more personal! The track is really well made. The vibe is great and definitely the kind of thing I would listen to in my free time. I like how everything really takes its time to develop and leave space. Having the bass act as a sort of ominous drone over everything was a great choice and the vocals sound amazing. You nailed the submerged feeling and really captured the emotions you were going for. Good work, hope to hear more from you!
Ah, thank you very much for such kind feedback & for taking the time to listen :3
I worry a lot about how anything will sound when I actually export it & release it into the wild because I don’t own any speakers, haha. My brother stole mine when I first moved out years ago, and when I wound up moving back in again, I found out he’d broken them somehow >.<” So I’m stuck using earphones which are kinda tinny T_T I have found sometimes that the bass will sound decent enough in those earphones, but then I will test on the TV speakers downstairs only to realise it's barely audible!
I have some better bluetooth ones, but never had a computer with bluetooth compatibility, so the only way I can use those is with my phone xD which is a pain in the butt for testing tracks having to move them between devices, haha. Hoping to get a decent PC soon, but the one I bought back in April developed multiple faults in under 2 months and had to be returned >.<
It’s a relief to hear that the bass worked out though + that the submerged feeling and emotions were evident in the track :3
Thank you again! (and your OST is awesome btw ^-^)
Totally agree with you on being paranoid about how my stuff sounds. I also don't have proper speakers or headphones so I'm constantly worrying about whether my music is actually balanced or if its just my headphones. Hopefully we can both sort out our gear troubles eventually. Also thank you for the kind words :)
This is very well produced, and I liked the vocal segment quite a lot! I thought the percussion was very cool too! Well done!
Thanks so much for giving it a listen! I’m glad you liked it :3
very professional, vocal work on a high level. and i like this vibe dark and melancholic.
I still feel like such a noob, so that really means a lot that you think so! I have a hell of a lot to learn, but hearing everyone’s music here is so inspiring :D I’m just blown away at the sheer talent & epic OSTs cos everything I’ve listened to so far has been brilliant. I don’t feel worthy! But at the same time, this feels like such a supportive and empowering community :3
I haven’t had a chance to listen to yours yet, but I’m already loving the concept from what I read on your submission page! Very curious to hear how it sounds, but I need to get some sleep, so I’ll probably put it on while I exercise tomorrow!
Thanks so much for listening :3