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The Vampire Police Arrested Me for Tax Evasion's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Flow & Clarity | #2 | 4.000 | 4.000 |
| Overall | #3 | 4.078 | 4.078 |
| Adherence to Theme | #5 | 4.100 | 4.100 |
| Concepts & Originality | #6 | 4.133 | 4.133 |
Ranked from 30 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Congratulations on placing in the top 3 of OPR Writing Jam #9! To claim your prize, please reach out to us on Patreon.
Thank you!
So… definitely not what was advertised.
Story was legit great, but I’d work on the name for next story.
Thanks! And yeah, I have realized by now that the title was not the best choice XD
Lol yeah, hey, I had a great time with it, I was just waiting for the funnies to happen, and happen they didn't.
Glad you enjoyed it anyway ^-^
Great ideas, particularly the prison serving as food storage for the vampires. You did a great job of developing a convincing relationship between the girl and the dog, especially given the word limit and time constraints. Good job!
Thank you! That the vampires take blood from their populace on a regular basis is canon (see e.g. the sippy straw collars on the Drained models), and since prisoners would be close at hand and the vampires wouldn't need to worry about them getting too weak to work/fight, it felt natural to me that they'd be the first choice for a vampire desiring a snack.
See what you meant about the different feeling coming across from the title versus the tale, but don't think it really took anything away from it. If anything, to me, it made me more likely to read this story. Good cliffhanger ending too. Does Ivya and her new housebat ally live to talk another day? Warm (bat) fuzzies all round.
Thanks ^-^
Wish you were able to have a second page, well done!
Thank you!
I really enjoyed this one, and I think it's a very solid entry that's very well organized with a strong sense of pacing and tension. I will second the "different title would have been better" comments (though it didn't affect my rating), though, and I was really hoping for a bit more at the end - I think there's a lot of explanation and setting up front that could have been trimmed and rephrased to keep what's important while freeing you up enough words to really add a more definite ending (and maybe more paragraph breaks, to aid in readability).
Thank you! Good call about the paragraph breaks; I realize I've been using those very sparingly. Concerning the ending though, I'm honestly not sure if I would've gone further into it even if I'd had the space. Like, the development that the story focuses on is complete at that point, and I don't know if following that up with an explicit description of a vampire getting his head bitten off would've added much to the narrative as a whole. Still, I appreciate the feedback :D
I like your imaginative take on the theme. I had to read this when I saw it was a vampire story as mine is also. I enjoyed it though I am not sure of Inya's fate, though I think I do.
Yay, vampire gang :D
Considering the word limit, I decided against narrating the full course of events in favor of spotlighting those parts that seemed the most interesting. I hope the implication of what is going to happen immediately after the story's conclusion is somewhat clear, but anything after that had to be left to the reader's imagination.
Yes, this is art. Very good story!
Theme: on point
Clarity: on point
Feelin a connection to the characters: I definetly had it.
10/10
The title made me nearly not click it, but curiosity weighed more.
Woah, thanks a lot! And yeah… I realize at this point that the title may have been a mistake XD
Ooh, loved this one! Great concept, great execution, and overall very flavorful and paced really well.
Aww, thanks!
This was very good. The little moments inside a huge chaotic world Carey so much more weight then a massive battle could. This was a treat. Thank you and best of luck.
Thanks a bunch! ^-^
I really liked that this wasn't like a big battle or at all a setting I would have expected. It was just a well done original take on the prompt
Thank you! As tempting as it was to go for something that would allow me to design some matching custom units in AFS or something, I felt like the writing jam was also a good opportunity to tell the kind of story that a battle report or custom scenario couldn't. So I'm glad you enjoyed that part
Very nice read, while I agree the title makes me think of something else (which is an interesting premise all it’s own) this is a great seed for a longer story as well.
Thanks, and I apologize again for the misleading title. I don't think I'll be expanding this story in the future, but if it got your imagination going that's great to hear :D
So, I want to read how the Vampire Police arrested someone for Tax Evasion! That title is awesome, and I'd love to hear the story behind it.
As it is, your story is very well written, and probably fits the theme better than the story from your title would. I expect this to rank highly.
Thanks! ^-^
I do admit that the title may be a little clickbait-y. Sorry about that. I just kinda… came up with it, found it funny so I kept it as a working title, and then couldn't be bothered to think of something else. I swear there is a connection to the story, but yeah, it's a bit obscure.
Don't worry too much, I love a good clickbait title. At some point, I would love to hear the story of how she got thrown in jail (which I assume is what the title references).