Play book
OPR Writing Jam #9 - The Enemy of My Enemy...'s itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #16 | 3.913 | 3.913 |
| Overall | #27 | 3.478 | 3.478 |
| Concepts & Originality | #37 | 3.478 | 3.478 |
| Flow & Clarity | #38 | 3.043 | 3.043 |
Ranked from 23 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Leave a comment
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
Comments
Really liked the setup, had a similar feel to the old codex stories that you would find in old 40k codexes (circa 4th ed) . I think either making the whole thing out as a report, maybe having the helmet footage appended or something. Alternatively I think tying the narrative in and making it a bit more personal/emotional would have been nice too. Really enjoyed it, nice to see some varied factions too!
Thanks so much :) And yeah, I was kind of leaning towards the Codex style entry as a way to introduce my own little homebrew group of mercs. Having a more personal point of view seems to be a pretty common ask so I'll be doing that next writing jam :D Not sure what kind of story I'll tell but I'm liking that helmet cam idea so keep an eye out next round for me o7
I really like the setup and payoff here. It kind of reads like a batman joker arrangement, in the way that their conflict is their special thing. No outsiders! Other than that I'd have to say that I agree with a previous comment, the narration did take away from the overall flavor and flow of the story. It felt like it lacked personality, which is sad because both factions were so interesting. Still a great read though, a thumbs up from me!
Thank you for your assessment :) I do agree that it's very much an impersonal and kind of dry account of events more than anything, like a codex entry someone said. I've always been fond of that "they are my enemy and you were not invited" mentality XD plus, let's be real, Battle Brothers in lore come across as a little abrasive. Next writing jam I'll see what I can do about a more personal story, maybe tell a little about how Captain Raeph managed to take on a squad of Destroyers or how Lady Val reacted to their intervention :3 I've even got a bunch of characters that have popped up as a result of a tournament.
Very strong entry. The setup was well done. I could only wish for a less impersonal narration, but that may just be personal preference. Great job!
That was a deliberate choice :P I wanted to tell the origin of my headcannon faction, as I usually do with games like this. In 40k it was my Tachyon Shadows, in OPR it's my Void Fang Mercenaries :D the intent was to be more of a 'bird's eye view', sort of like a codex entry as someone else mentioned. Either way thank you for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it o7
Ooooo, I do love a good "detached narrator" framing device! I like the set up of a previously hostile relationship between the two parties, and your pacing is 10/10. A very solid entry friend!
Thanks so much! :D A new friend also in this jam said it read like a 40k Codex entry and I'm realizing that's kinda what I ended up with. Glad to hear I did it well.
Yayyyy! Another Jackals tale! (He must have had some dice god luck on that table, for sure!) Plot armor aside, I really like the long back and forth implied between Jackals and Raiders, and them getting so annoyed at an outside force interrupting their 'relationship' is understandable. It brought back memories of a Quake Team Fortress duel a friend and I were in before another friend lobbed a grenade in. Good times! 'STRIKE LIGHTNING!!!'
Glad you enjoyed and thanks for the comment :D The Jackals are just so cool, like canid Fremen with less worms and more speed.