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A jam submission

The Language of MachinesView project page

OPR Writing Jam #9 a Grimdark Future Tale
Submitted by Hobby Fuzion — 19 hours, 23 minutes before the deadline
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Play book

The Language of Machines's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Adherence to Theme#94.0014.095
Overall#143.8303.921
Flow & Clarity#173.6293.714
Concepts & Originality#203.8623.952

Ranked from 21 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

I'm really impressed with your dialog. You did a good job of making it flow naturally, and resisted the urge to have your characters spout exposition.

I struggle a little bit with the plot--it seems a little too convenient for both groups to get everything they ever wanted and become so powerful with such ease. Overcoming adversity gives the audience a chance to stand up and cheer for the protagonists, which is something we want to do.

Submitted

I liked this story quite a bit!I thought the banter was good and I liked the relationship between the two of them. I also found it fun that the unlikely part was not that they were enemies but rather had vastly different priorities when it came to technology. I would have loved it to be more fleshed out but that is 1000 word limit for you.

Submitted

I liked this story quite a bit!I thought the banter was good and I liked the relationship between the two of them. I also found it fun that the unlikely part was not that they were enemies but rather had vastly different priorities when it came to technology. I would have loved it to be more fleshed out but that is 1000 word limit for you.

DeveloperSubmitted

Thank you so much! Yeah, we all have that 1000-word weight for sure, and this time I attempted some humor which I found hard to balance to get an ending that wasn't too silly or completely unbelievable, it's definitely something I have to get better at!

Submitted

Fun team-up! I liked the dialogue and wanted more of it - I would have been completely happy with not wrapping up the alliance all the way if it meant more banter, haha.

DeveloperSubmitted

Thanks, I was like many struggling against the word count and trying to flesh out a bit more of the background to not just make it an odd couple one off, but that might have worked better.

Submitted

Orcs and metal heads getting along over ancient machine do-wots? Somehow this works. Big Green (or possibly mechanical) thumbs up!