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A jam submission

The Wandering BazaarView project page

The story of a place where unlikely alliances are bound to be made.
Submitted by Northern Cabin Studio — 1 day, 18 hours before the deadline
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The Wandering Bazaar's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#373.0773.077
Concepts & Originality#443.2693.269
Overall#522.6152.615
Adherence to Theme#541.5001.500

Ranked from 26 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

I love this concept so much! It’s really fresh and neat, though unfortunately the story does suffer from some need of edits and lack of adherence to the theme.

Submitted

Great prose and atmosphere, I really felt the captain and his ship could be real. Same basic critique as everyone else though, not really an alliance present. Maybe a little less backstory so we could get to the Bazaar faster and an alliance could form there? Good writing though, it's clear you're talented. If anything it felt like a part of something bigger, which obviously suffered when constrained to 1000 words.

Submitted

The moodboard art makes me think of the Mobius stuff from Heavy Metal. Story while good feels more like the setup to unlikely allies than an unlikely allies story itself though, which is a shame. That bazaar must have some pretty good wares to merit all the hassle getting to it though... I do wonder what guarantees on sales won you'd get in such a place, and what the chances are of being ripped off were, especially in the case of offerings of black market goods and forbidden knowledge being offered.

Could also make for the site of a hostile takeover/invasion attempt or heist story too. Any number of intrigues and adventures to be had with the Bazaar as a hub.

Submitted

a great setup but what happened. I love the setting and world building but I would suggest adding a plot to your wonderfully worded oddyssy and you have a syory.

Submitted

Not a very traditional story but I like it. It seems like a nice little slice of what happens in the Sirius sector. Not every story needs to be a dramatic masterpiece, some should be narrative descriptions and backgrounds.

Submitted

I thought this was well written and I wanna hang out in a wandering bazaar but I wish the story had taken place at the bazaar cause that is such a fun place

Submitted(+3)

You've come up with a very interesting setting for a story. Unfortunately, you've kind of forgotten to actually tell a story in that setting. This reads like the introduction to a much longer story (that I'd be interested in reading) rather than something that can stand on it's own.

I also feel like you've missed out on the theme. You tried to tie things in with the last paragraph, but that felt very much like an afterthought. A better way to include the theme might have been to have Captain Steele work with someone in order to find the Wandering Bazaar.

As a small side note, I found it distracting how many times you used "The Wandering Bazaar" in a relatively short wordcount. Varying the way you refer to it would probably help the flow of your writing.