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A jam submission

Degradation (OPR Writing Jam #5)View project page

A knight pays the ultimate price to defend his city.
Submitted by whitniverse — 1 hour, 55 minutes before the deadline
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Degradation (OPR Writing Jam #5)'s itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#14.3454.471
Concept & Originality#34.4024.529
Overall#54.1924.314
Adherence to the Theme#173.8303.941

Ranked from 17 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted(+1)

Quite deep, very enjoyable!

Submitted(+1)

wow. that was very deep for a thousand words. i agree that i want to learn more about this knights exile.  

Developer

Already working on the next tale in his story.

Submitted(+1)

Heck. yes.

Submitted(+1)

Great writing, well done!  You managed to convey emotional depth in just a thousand words, which is no small feat.  I found myself wanting to read more about the character's further adventure in exile.  A real pleasure to read, thank you.

Developer

No, thank YOU.

Submitted(+1)

I'm really impressed with this one.  The idea of unconventional weaponry was not in the novelty of the method of killing, but the outlandish and heretical nature of the device that the main character leveraged.  It's an unexpected twist on the theme of the competition that works so well.

A concise work, effectively written in first person.  We don't even get the name of the main character, which adds to the sense that he's been stripped of his former life.

I've tried to include at least on recommendation for improvement with each story I've read.  After reading this a few times, I really don't have any recommendations.  Bravo on such a well-written piece!

Developer

Thank you so much!

Submitted(+1)

This was a really well written story.

Developer(+1)

Thank you so much.

Submitted(+1)

This was a beautiful and compelling piece of writing, and I will gladly read anything further you want to write regarding this knight and his story.

Developer

Thanks so much.

Submitted(+1)

Great main character and you can almost feel his pain. A kind of sad story, where the law seems to be unadapted for ages.

Developer (1 edit) (+1)

I definitely lucked out on the theme as it's well represented with the army I had my heart set on writing about. I loved the idea of a banished hero, not because he did anything truly wrong, just that the laws he serves are particularly dogmatic.

Submitted(+1)

Very nice!

Developer

Thank you.

Submitted(+1)

Fantastic world-building, great story. I would love to read more. 

Developer(+1)

I had so much fun writing this that I already have plans to keep the story going, via more short stories, detailing what happened next to the knight.

(+1)

Well done!

Developer

Thank you.

Submitted(+1)

Excellent work! I have a deep love for stories of knights, and this really hit that spot.

Developer(+1)

Me too. I collected 'knights' back in the late 90s as a kid, so The Chivalrous Kingdoms is my jam in OPR. I knew I was going to write a story about them and feel I lucked out with the prompt and how it ties into the particular quirk they have towards warfare.

Submitted(+1)

Beautiful ending 

Developer

Thank you.

Submitted(+1)

A nice concise tale, that flowed very well and I greatly enjoyed this tale. Makes me think this would be a great start to a longer story.

Developer (1 edit)

I had so much fun writing this, I already have plans for some more short stories continuing the story of what happened next to this knight.