Play book
A Destiny of War's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Concept & Originality | #12 | 3.892 | 3.963 |
| Flow & Clarity | #24 | 3.273 | 3.333 |
| Overall | #24 | 3.467 | 3.531 |
| Adherence to the Theme | #27 | 3.237 | 3.296 |
Ranked from 27 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
I found this story conflicting. I loved reading each entry individually, and the entries were quite compelling; however, when put together as a whole, I felt they became convoluted by the "timestamps." They were more distracting than immersive without some form of reference to what they meant.
Thanks! The timestamps don't have any reference at all other than to themselves. I was only using them to try and tie the first and last passage together and the rest of the story is a fairly linear timeline. Travel thru space 'memberin' -> Oh no spaceship attack everybody escapepods! -> crash and we better defend ourselves ->good thing we defended ourselves oh no cap! -> I'mma get them bots is every passage inbetween the first and last. But absolutely confusing, there has to be a better way!
I thought your format was excellent. I also really liked your usage of the word salvoes. I don't hear it often.
Thanks! watch you'll hear it every day for a month now! Your story was great, unique spin on ratfolk
really great story! eternal dynasty forever!
Heck yeah! Thank you, especially liked the imagery in yours!
I really like the haiku at the end. Really good stuff especially the whole samurai aesthetic.
Thanks! Really digged your story as well!
You did a fine job evoking the samurai culture of the Dynasty, and the story's spare and precise prose worked well as a complement to that. I especially appreciated the appending of a haiku to a drone report. Some of the details of the story events and the captain's motivations I found hard to follow, though. Still, overall a good reflection on the course of a life.
Thanks, that haiku was a last minute addition! Truthfully, there was only one motivation for the captain but I should have maybe made it clearer
A fantastically handled short story that sets up both an interesting character and provides many hooks for the universe as a whole. Fully embracing the Samurai style of the Dynasty gave them a lot of character (They even had a death Haiku!) and contrasts them well with the other factions they are fighting.
My only request would be if there could be a way to add a bit of clarity to the different time jumps. Just more for layout than anything.
Love it!
Thank you! The timestamps were strange. I only wanted to use them to denote the passage of time as compared to other timestamps, and to make sure the first section and final section were literally linked as they happen moments apart.
I loved the Samurai motif, right down to the death haiku. Could use a little more clarity on what is a log and what is inside his own thoughts, but overall, not a bad read.
Thanks! I tried to stay away from that since it was being told by a drone at some point later but I'll definitely try to incorporate that into future stories!
There were strong moments here that really lent to the action and tone of the story. The choice to frame Takai's reflection to be part of a mission report may feel weird to some readers but I think it was done well enough in a believable way. I really like how you also fleshed out other factions by perceiving them through the lens of an Eternal Dynasty captain.
I also appreciate that there's a certain level of self-awareness to Takai in the line "Learn of the threats to their oppressive benevolence." It could've been just a throwaway line but it adds another layer of nuance to the character. Nicely done!
Thanks, did you like the line disconcerting peace or in the wise execution of his parents? Really liked yours as well!
Good use of descriptions---some passages were quite evocative! I think you could have dialed way back on your use of the name "Captain Takai", though. Many times, "the captain" or "Takai" or even just a pronoun would have sufficed to add some variety. But I really liked the glimpses of his life and what was meaningful to him, and your hints at how (over the course of his life) he was cooperating with former enemies was nicely done.
Would you believe it was intentional? But yes, 27 times is way too much I agree 100%
Very nicely done story, I enjoyed the world-building that you accomplished not just for the Dynasty, but also fitting in other factions. Good pacing, enjoyable tale.
Thanks, I really likes yours as well!