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A jam submission

WJ 11: Surviving Contact with the EnemyView project page

A short story written for the 11th OPR writing Jam
Submitted by Sweatyhams — 18 minutes, 44 seconds before the deadline
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WJ 11: Surviving Contact with the Enemy's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Flow & Clarity#24.2274.227
Overall#63.9093.909
Concepts & Originality#74.1824.182
Adherence to Theme#293.3183.318

Ranked from 22 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Submitted

I really like this. The characterization through dialogue is very good, the concept is interesting, and it flows well. I'm just not sure it leans into the theme very much outside of a brief comment about the lieutenant disregarded the contingency plan.

Submitted

This was brilliant. "sagittal plane of reality" is now up there with "ludo narrative dissonance".

Loved the humour, loved the delivery. As people have remarked it was subtle and very well done.

Submitted

I love it when the theme is delivered a little more subtly. This story feels right at home in the GF universe!

Submitted

Nice job with the characterization through dialogue alone. I'm impressed that you did it all without dialogue tags, but Chuck and the officer have different enough patterns of speech that it was always clear who was who.

Submitted

I enjoyed that it read like a screen play, well done.

Submitted

Very hard to pull off a "talking heads" approach, but you did it very well, nicely done!

Submitted

Great! I love the characterisation, between the two characters. The fact he had trouble with 'postulated' made him more human and relatable.  Usually I would ask for dialogue tags, but you're able to illustrate easy enough who was speaking, so well done with that! Really cool way to tell a story, almost entirely through the dialogue, and you can even see the scene playing out without the use of descriptors. 

Submitted

Very entertaining! Only one or two microscopic errors in spelling and tone, but genuinely a great read!

Submitted

Very interesting formatting. It was easy to follow and felt very immersive. Well done!

Submitted(+1)

I enjoyed the report style to the story. At the beginning I was worried that it would get boring but I was proven wrong.

Submitted(+1)

I LOVED this one. Great world building! Low on exposition! Great angle! Great dialogue! Lots of wit! This one is a contender. Well done!