Oh man, this was a fun read! It's comedy like this that I'm trying to nail. Definitely got a laugh or two out of me!
Short, witty, and doesn't try too hard. Amazing write-up!
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007-373-5963's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Originality | #46 | 3.317 | 3.667 |
| Theme | #47 | 2.915 | 3.222 |
| Narration | #47 | 3.015 | 3.333 |
| Overall feeling | #51 | 2.814 | 3.111 |
Ranked from 9 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Comments
It started out giving me Douglas Adams vibes, and then it went even more off the rails than he ever did. Nice!
Submitted
Computer Solves the Cancer CrisisOoh tried this out! Is it supposed to end in the shower though? I didn't see any options after that.
Submitted
gospel says (i lied)Hey! Well done on submitting! You asked for constructive criticism so here goes:
- I really enjoyed the beginning! The tone was set very early on and I really enjoyed the characterisation of the MC: we learn he’s a bit of a nerd and probably a not very tidy. However, then it turned meta and absurd (?) way too fast. It really felt like 2 different stories patch together. If you want to go meta you need to drop a few hints here and there, plant the seed early on. Because otherwise the change is too jarring. And if you did, I completely missed it, sorry!
- Definitely not for the last set of choices (as narratively it made sense), but make sure you don’t overuse the “select all options and when you exhaust them all you can continue” loop thingy. Allow for a trap-door option to appear once you’ve looped once or twice, as otherwise it just feels like you’re being forced to read text that does not matter to the narrative.
Aside this, there were a lot of funny lines that made me chuckle (loved the coffee one), and it was worth a read! Well done!
Submitted
Seek A Way OutThis criticism is, indeed, constructive. I appreciate it very much. Great points and I agree that fixing them would improve the overall experience significantly. As is often the case, a dwindling submission window (or in my case this time, just available time) caused some cut corners including the pattern you observed. Thank you for your helpful feedback.
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