I don't think listing feedback will be useful, since the presentation is professional and you are clearly already set on the product as-is. However, these are the thoughts I had while playing:
The few sentences at the start where MC describes his year can be removed (it's better to show his mood than describe it). I feel like the concept of monster girls should be introduced with more emphasis, as for the average reader it's a bizarre concept (see: Monster Musume, Nekopara). It's not obvious which character is currently talking. There should be an animation, or grey-out for the non-speaker. I feel the monster girls should have distinct non-human names, as this also adds to the confusion. I know this kind of textbox is common, but I prefer it when it's higher up on the screen for ease of readability. I like the music incorporating church bells. I don't like the descriptive text walls explaining the setting. It's better to communicate information through action/visuals. The religious theming is very unique and cool, definitely a highlight. However, it is unclear what it has to do with the monster girl gimmick. Maybe the two concepts come together later on, but it's not obvious how. I played a while, but I did not see the main conflict or goal introduced. What is the MC trying to achieve? In dating sims the goal is to get the girl, but it's made clear that is not the case here. For a story to be interesting it needs its conflict introduced a early as possible. The combination of using a specific real life religions and people (e.g., CS Lewis) together with the fantasy setting is bizarre. The point of fantasy settings is to abstract away specificities like that. It would make sense if this was a story about the modern people who only look like animals (like in cartoons), but that is not the case here. I played up to the part with the slime girl in the library after the basketball game.
Comments
I don't think listing feedback will be useful, since the presentation is professional and you are clearly already set on the product as-is. However, these are the thoughts I had while playing:
The few sentences at the start where MC describes his year can be removed (it's better to show his mood than describe it). I feel like the concept of monster girls should be introduced with more emphasis, as for the average reader it's a bizarre concept (see: Monster Musume, Nekopara). It's not obvious which character is currently talking. There should be an animation, or grey-out for the non-speaker. I feel the monster girls should have distinct non-human names, as this also adds to the confusion. I know this kind of textbox is common, but I prefer it when it's higher up on the screen for ease of readability. I like the music incorporating church bells. I don't like the descriptive text walls explaining the setting. It's better to communicate information through action/visuals. The religious theming is very unique and cool, definitely a highlight. However, it is unclear what it has to do with the monster girl gimmick. Maybe the two concepts come together later on, but it's not obvious how. I played a while, but I did not see the main conflict or goal introduced. What is the MC trying to achieve? In dating sims the goal is to get the girl, but it's made clear that is not the case here. For a story to be interesting it needs its conflict introduced a early as possible. The combination of using a specific real life religions and people (e.g., CS Lewis) together with the fantasy setting is bizarre. The point of fantasy settings is to abstract away specificities like that. It would make sense if this was a story about the modern people who only look like animals (like in cartoons), but that is not the case here. I played up to the part with the slime girl in the library after the basketball game.