The hearts are meant to be a representation of your reputation, or how Carmen perceives you. The more hearts you have, the better your reputation is. If you have a decent number of hearts, Carmen will view you as worthy of being her friend, or she will be interested in rekindling her romantic relationship with you. If you have a lower number of hearts-- i.e., you played the game like a total asshole-- she’ll think that you have a lot to work on, and will be distrustful of you. 

I was worried that some people might view this mechanic as being “too harsh”-- that Seri is expected to help others and dole out free emotional labor to others in order to be worthy of Carmen's love. While the mechanic is flawed in that sense, this was not my intention. I wanted to take the time to explain it in further detail. 

The thing with getting the "alone route" is that you have to be playing it like you either 1) don't care about the other characters or 2) like you actively enjoy being a dick to some people. There are some seriously nasty ways that you can treat others in this game. While a few characters are tricky in terms of dialogue (looking at you, Lapis), most of the quests are fairly straightforward. So you're either totally selfish and don't care about anyone's problems but your own, or you just like being an asshole. Those are the two ways you can view how you made your choices in the "alone route." 

Towards the end of the game, it's revealed that you have been treating Carmen poorly after she went away for six months. Rather than talking about your feelings, you took them out on her. You found little ways to "punish" her or make her life frustrating. You accused her of having an affair. While you paid the bills on the apartment for the past six months, keep in mind that Carmen has been the one who has consistently worked a full time job and paid the bills for years. This puts a lot of pressure on Carmen. She's taken on the role of breadwinner while you have been able to more extensively explore your passions, like writing. She sees your attitude towards her as being extremely unfair, and honestly, she's right. You haven't appreciated her, and in some ways, you've arguably used her. Then what do you do, after treating her so poorly? 

You dump her. Yikes. 

During the time that you're apart, Carmen reflects on you and your relationship. She thinks about how you have treated others, and how consistent your awful behavior has been. Were you frequently mean to others or acted selfishly? If you play the game and don't get enough hearts, she will view you as someone who refuses to confront their problems and who has been consistently selfish and mean. She will acknowledge that you have depression and that impacted your relationships with others, but ultimately, you chose to take your issues out on other people rather than seeking help. More importantly, you chose to use her as an emotional punching bag. She isn't willing to forgive you because of how much you have hurt her. In the other routes, Carmen is willing to forgive you because she recognizes that you are a good person and were respectful to others, even when you were hurting. In the friendship route, she just isn't quite ready to take you back yet. With both the alone and friendship routes, there are still hypothetical opportunities for romantic redemption: one pathway is just rockier and longer than the other. 

When writing this aspect of Grunge, I really wanted to call attention to the fact that no matter what you are going through or dealing with, it is not an excuse to treat those who love you poorly. You don't get to attack, insult, or belittle those who love you and use depression/your mental health as an excuse. You also don't get to treat people like medicine. Similarly, people are not obligated to put up with your shitty treatment of them, and they have a right to walk away. In a relationship, whether with friends or romantic partners, you are supposed to support one another, but you aren't allowed to violate boundaries in order to obtain that support. 

When making this game, I knew I wanted to have characters of different backgrounds. It would be boring to have all white characters. On top of that, it would be wholly inaccurate to have all white characters-- not just to the comic it's based on, but on demographics in reality. I could have created only a FEW characters, but then I would've played into tokenism, and that's… gross, to put it simply. So I set off to create characters all different from one another. They would have not only different backgrounds, genders, and sexualities; but hobbies, interests, and professions. I didn't want anyone to be a stereotype, or just a generic background character. I wanted these people to replicate those that you would meet in real life. 

When writing these characters, I did my best to do my research. For example, when writing Carmen, I researched Puerto Rican customs and culture. I also made Spanish an important part of the story and incorporated Spanish dialogue into many of the scenes. My friend Christian Castro Romero was there to double check for grammatical errors and in some ways also served as a sensitivity reader and helped me rewrite portions that are problematic. Some of that was weird for me. I consider myself as someone who is aware of what behaviors and actions are racist or problematic, but that just reinforces my previous point: I'm not an expert nor should I claim to be. During these situations it's best for me to listen, be receptive, and make the appropriate corrections. If you claim to be a writer, you have to be! 

In other instances, like when Candace is talking about Becky's racist comments, I borrowed from stories I had read about, or heard about either via the news or from a friend. One thing that I wish I had done, in retrospect, was hire and consult with more sensitivity readers. While this wouldn't have perfected the writing, it would have double checked and eliminated any problematic elements. In future projects, I hope to make better use of my time and resources so that I can utilize them appropriately. 

No one has publicly (to my knowledge) brought up these criticisms as of yet, but I still wanted to address it. My hope is that Grunge didn't offend or hurt anyone in it's portrayal of a certain heritage or race. I hope it didn't eroticize, fetishize, or demean anyone. I did my best with what resources I had and with what time limitations that I had. 

If you thought Grunge misrepresented anyone, I just want to say: this is why it's so important to support creators of color. And it's not hard to do that! Play their game, make a recommendation online or to a friend; contribute a dollar to their Patreon or Ko-fi account! 

Below are just SOME devs and organizations out there that are really making a difference in the gaming world: 

Gensuta is one extremely talented dev. They are making Skate and Date, which is a rhythm game AND visual novel. Probably one of the coolest concepts that I’ve seen this year. 

The Game Devs Of Color Expo is an annual event dedicated to showcasing the many talented devs of color who work in the industry! 

Aubrey Scott is a Native American game developer focusing on engineering and design. Sbe is known for her work on NASCAR games. 

Christina Zero is a game designer, level designer, and games scholar who has completed a lot of research in the video games industry. 

Shawn Alexander Allen is an activist and game developer who is currently working on the upcoming Beatdown City. 

Black Game Developers focuses on highlighting and celebrating black game developers. They recently hosted a game jam showcasing the work of devs from all across the industry. 

Black Girl Gamers is an organization that focuses on “heightening Black Women’s voices in gaming” through creating a safe environment to discuss and enjoy games, as well as advocating for diversity within the industry. 

POC in Play is an organization that focuses on “Creating initiatives & events to amplify the visibility & inclusion of People of Colour in the UK video games industry.”

And there are countless more in the industry that have been doing this work better than I can, and for far longer than I have! 

If you are a dev or if you know of a dev whose work you’d like to share, please comment below. :-) 

Why would I have a story about queer people that takes place in an area that’s not thought of as queer-friendly? 

Sometimes, there are news stories that emerge from the South that focus on how X state is attempting to roll back rights for a certain group of people-- usually women, people of color, or LGBT people. When I read those stories, sometimes I see comments such as, “If these people don’t like it, they can just leave!” 

Those statements are ignorant, and make a lot of assumptions. One, they assume that you can afford to move out of the state, but obviously, not everyone can. And not everyone-- gasp-- wants to, either. For another, when someone says that you can just leave if you don’t like it, they are saying that they are okay with you being oppressed. They are perfectly fine with your rights being eliminated, and you should put up with that. 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your state to not roll back your rights. 

There’s nothing with pushing for change and progress. 

There’s nothing wrong with advocating for yourself and trying to make your home better for not only yourself, but others around you. 

This is something to be praised, not mocked. This is something to be celebrated, not sneered at. At the very least, your right and desire to feel safe in your own community should be respected. After all, you deserve to feel safe and have the same rights as everyone else, no matter where you live. Yet time and time again, I’ve seen people criticized for trying to make things better within their own communities.  

Queer people, women, and people of color exist throughout the South. They always have, and they always will, for one reason or another. Copper Junction and Grunge are meant to reflect this reality. I wanted to illustrate a community of people that bonded together in the fact of adversity. They are each other’s advocates and allies. They aren’t going anywhere, and in fact, they are going to thrive and fight for their rights. Perhaps this is something too idealistic, and not close to reality. But I hope that when you witness their interactions while playing the game, it gives you a sense of hope. 

Now to be fair, I was pretty terrible at programming battles. In the earliest builds, every thirty paces you took resulted in a battle. You were spammed with battles. When I was refining the battle system later, I discovered what was causing this issue and was able to fix it. 

This particular person wanted the game to be more like Always Sometimes Monsters, which is an RPG that does not involve fighting. Your goal in that game is essentially to save up money and travel across the country to stop your ex from marrying your old best friend. You need to “grind” at different jobs to earn money, save up your funds, and get there before time runs out. Honestly, while Grunge does have some influences of Always Sometimes Monsters, I wanted it to be more influenced by Rockstar’s Bully than anything else. 

Like Bully, I wanted Grunge to take place in both a school and city environment so that players felt like they were immersed not just within a “world,” but a community. I wanted you to be able to play the game and recognize faces as the years passed, and I wanted to show the change of a neighborhood over time. 

Don’t get me wrong: I love Always Sometimes Monsters, but at times, there are lulls in the action. Sometimes you get to certain levels or areas of the game, and I felt that there wasn’t too much to do or interact with. Rather than get to know characters, I was over-eager to leave an area. To me, fighting adds another entertaining element to the game to keep the player engaged. 

This is a less significant aspect, but the fighting mechanics also reveal a bit about each of the girls’ personalities and interests. Seraphina, a dancer, primarily attacks through dance moves like the Moonwalk Dropkick and Grapevine Grapple. Carmen, a black belt, uses a roundhouse kick and a karate chop. Brandy, like the mean girls, will slap people and pull hair. And Candace, the aspiring nurse and sweetest one in the group, will try to heal people and talk enemies down using moves like “Kill ’Em With Kindness.” 

Some people may be confused about the fighting element because Grunge is supposed to be about empathy, forming connections with others, and supporting people through a difficult time. But the reality is that no matter how kind you are to others, there are some people in this world that want to harm you: either physically or emotionally. There are people who will even go out of their way to hurt you. 

When I was building the game, I thought about the types of people that women encounter from high school throughout adulthood. I thought about creeps who catcalled me while walking down the street in sweatpants at 12 years old. I thought about girls who incessantly mocked me over my interests, the way that I dressed, or the people that I spent time with. I thought about boys who punched me in the face, stole or hid my things, and stuck tape in my hair when I was riding the bus home. 

And I thought about how we punish women for fighting back. 

You don’t have to search extensively to find evidence of this. Within the past few years, I’ve read numerous stories about girls who were expelled, suspended, or punished for defending themselves at school. The women who end up incarcerated for trying to defend themselves against their abusers. It’s a pervasive problem that hits especially close to home for me. Apparently, we expect women to cower in fear until help arrives, or to be assaulted and killed, rather than giving them the freedom to defend themselves. To make matters worse, we’ll then take to social media to criticize women or to question why they don’t stand up for themselves. We don’t live in a world that protects women who protect themselves. 

The girls in the game rarely start fights for the sake of starting fights. In fact, there are only a few times when this happens: when Seri confronts Becky in homeroom on the first day of school, and when Edd asks Seri and Carmen to fight him so that he can train for a match. Both of these instances are optional, and in Edd’s case, it’s completely consensual with both parties. Otherwise, all other fights in the game are started by other people, when they choose to lay their hands on you.

My girls aren’t bullies. They don’t go out of their way to physically attack people. But they aren’t pushovers, and they aren’t defenseless. I wanted the girls to be able to defend themselves from attackers. Furthermore, I wanted them to feel empowered to do so. That isn’t to say that they aren’t punished by authority figures for defending themselves at times-- after all, that wouldn’t be realistic. Seri is shamed by a police officer when reporting her assault. Brandy is suspended from school for defending Candace from Becky. It is mentioned that they develop a reputation for “fighting” when really, all they’ve done is protect themselves. But even when these incidents arise, they keep defending themselves. They are their own heroes and each other’s protectors. 

Is this mechanic perfect, and without error? I wouldn’t say that. Does it successfully convey its message? In retrospect, I think that I could have been better about conveying this message, but then again, I didn’t want to oversaturate the narrative with this idea. 

I did not want to charge people money for a game that may not entirely work, or would break. I didn't want to deal with processing refunds for people who played the game and either didn't enjoy it, or it didn't work for them. Charging people money for the game upfront would have created more problems and stress for me. 

Additionally, many of the assets (tilesets, plugins, audio) I use in the game are supposed to be for noncommercial purposes. I forget what assets those are specifically, but I didn't want to risk it. 

Another large reason for making the game available for free is because Grunge is an RPG. You might be sitting there and asking yourself, okay, well, what’s your point? There are a lot of RPGs out there. While this is true, there aren’t a lot of RPGs with LGBT content. The only one that I can think of at the moment is Newfound Courage, which is a beautiful and excellently made game. (Check that one out.) 

If you’re looking for a game with queer content, you’re better off playing a visual novel. Coming Out on Top, Yearning: A Gay Story, and ebi-hime's games are only a few out of the hundreds, possibly thousands that exist on the web. But while I love visual novels and I love LGBT content, I realized that I wanted to play a different kind of game. 

I questioned why there were hardly any RPG games primarily focusing on queer characters. I think that part of the reason as to why there are so many LGBT visual novels relates to the fact that a lot of them are built in ren'py, which is a free software with a delightful number of capabilities. The software that I used to develop this game, RPGmaker MV, is not free. It normally retails for about $80, and I was able to get it on sale for $25. Game development is hard when you have a finite amount of time and funds. I was very fortunate and privileged to be able to invest the time and money that I had into making my game. For those like myself who wanted an LGBT game that wasn't a visual novel, I wanted to make it free to play. 

Grunge is a massive game with hours of content, and its narrative is entirely dedicated to four LGBT characters, all of whom are women. Not only that, but many of the characters are people of color and have different identities and developed personalities. Grunge is dedicated to exploring complex narratives and addressing mental health. Although the exploration of these kinds of themes in games is becoming more prevalent, there are still not enough games right now that do this. As a young bi kid struggling with my own identity and insecurities, I would have loved to play a game like Grunge. It would have saved me a lot of grief, self loathing, and time spent trying to change myself. 

This is primarily why I wanted to make Grunge free. I believe in making games that include diverse characters and address complicated subjects. I feel like games can be an important educational tool, and not just to teach people about a particular issue, but when designed well, they can also teach people about empathy. Representation is also important in games, and while the video game industry is getting better when it comes to inclusivity, it still has a long way to go. Grunge is available for free because I believe in making games like this accessible for many people who need it.

That being said, I’m also able to make this game available for free because I’m privileged enough to do so. Other indie devs may not be able to do what I did, and that’s okay! I don’t want anyone to get the idea that indie devs shouldn’t be compensated for their work, because they should be. I just had my own set of reasons for making this game available for free. 

Because Spanish is important to Carmen’s identity, I knew I wanted her to speak the language throughout the game, and that I wanted her to engage in conversations with her family members in Spanish. 

Mr. Rosales can speak English well, but at times it makes him anxious, and therefore he is more comfortable speaking in Spanish. Out of respect for him, Seri chooses to learn Spanish. 

In real life, if people are speaking in Spanish and you are not involved in the conversation, no one is going to stop and translate sentences for you. To avoid breaking the immersion of these conversations, I did NOT translate the Spanish conversations. 

I am bilingual, but Spanish is not my first language. I am extremely grateful that my friend, Christian Castro Romero, served as a Spanish language consultant for the game. He double checked my grammar and helped rework some of the sentences to be more conversational. Verb conjugation is rough for me even after all these years of studying!  

• Sheng Lee = named after Li Shang, the bisexual icon from Mulan, and my forever crush. (Sheng, however, isn’t bi.) I just knew I wanted him to be named after Shang, but I didn’t want his name to DIRECTLY copy Shang’s, if that makes sense. 
• Monae = named after Janelle Monae. 
• Karenina = she is of Russian descent, and I loved the book Anna Karenina as a kid, so I named her after it. 
• Nina Simone High School = named after a famous singer and civil rights activist, who was actually born in North Carolina. 
• Keke = named after actress and singer Keke Palmer 
• Rachel = named after Rachel Berry from Glee because, of course 
• Edd = named after Double D from Ed, Edd, and Eddy 
• Billy = named after one of the characters from the movie It 
• Mrs. McGrady = named after the lunch lady from the PBS series Arthur 
• Brandy = unintentionally named after singer Brandi Carlile? I literally just liked the name Carlile, for some reason, and then found out it was attached to an actual famous person.
• Kenny Rogers = unintentionally named after country singer Kenny Rogers. I knew I got the name from somewhere. It’s weird because Kenny isn’t even into country.  
• Michelle = Michelle is named after Michelle Obama, and shares her maiden name, Robinson. 

I borrowed the names Malik, Eman, and Dulce from people that I’ve met in real life, but those actual characters do not have their namesakes’ personalities in any way whatsoever. The Malik I knew wasn’t a bully, he was actually super sweet.