Loss

So after I finally thought things couldn't get any worse. My cat did what I feared today...

Backstory:

In the last house I lived in, my parents found this cat going up our stairs, my dad thought it was our other black female cat. But my mom saw the cat and noticed it was a boy, he was abandoned by his owners and he was looking for them. Because we were a loving family, we gave him a tent with some food. Naturally he started to warm up to us and we let him in the house and he lived with us. We named him Tyler.

This cat was no scardy before the cat. He was nothing but muscle and fought coyotes back when we lived in Vegas. My mom knew they were coyotes because the bite marks were of a dogs or coyotes. But he was so sweet to my little rambunctious 6 year old self. As I grew me and the family got closer to Tyler, we became family. 

He was sadly abused by every other animal though, my other cats abused him and Tyler was a very forgiving cat.

When we had to move to Pennsylvania and I was around 10 he came home with his ear a centimetre away from coming off, with blood all over his cheek. They spent forever trying to get it fixed up. And they did, but while it healed, they had put Tyler in the new house's basement. He spent months living in that musty basement. I felt so bad. It broke his spirit. The adventurous cat in him...was gone. 

He still adventures sometimes, but it's not the same.

But WAIT...that's not even the worst part. 

We had to shut him in my room so he wouldn't leave and go out to adventure, because when he adventures, he goes out for at least a day sometimes as long as a week...and we were about to start driving to live in Florida

But I think my little brother didn't know about this and let him out. Tyler went out the garage and went adventuring, he's just a cat, he doesn't know we're moving. So he figured he'd leave for a day, come back, and live with us some more. But the sad truth is, we were moving. We didn't want to leave Tyler, but we had to hit the road. 

So...my mom wrote a note saying that if you see a black cat his name is Tyler and he's very sweet. Mom and Dad burst into tears, my little brother almost broke me.

"Tyler's coming with us, right?...right?", are the words he asked me. 

I don't really cry that much anymore, I just kinda soak up the pain and suffer inside. It just made me want to take something around me and punch it as hard as I can. It was the icing on the cake of stress. This has been the most painful few months for me to get over. And the worst part is...I still try to stay positive so I don't drag anyone else down into my stupid pit of sorrow I can't seem to crawl out of. I have to keep smiling while I die inside. Sometimes I forget about it, but a moment later reality comes back to me and I feel like crap. I was just feeling happier and then I had to leave my cat behind. 

Sorry this post is more about me, and I know no one cares (or wants to know) about my grief, but I've just been holding in all this garbage, a lot of it I can't even talk about. I just had to let it out before I lose my mind. I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but I'm not, I'm about to reach my breaking point and pop (at least I know it so I can prevent it?). 

Again, I just needed to let this out because I feel like life is crushing me and I just have to learn to adapt. Usually I hate talking about my sorrow because it makes me sound like an emo kid that likes soaking up depression so he can get more attention. Trust me, this feels like hell and I want out.

Also expect some art of Tyler from me because I figured I could draw him to honor my time with one of my favorite cats. I think I'll be better next week, but I'm just feeling down so don't expect the happiest posts from me for a while.

See you guys...

PS: I wrote this at 4:00am because I couldn't sleep...